[ It hadn’t registered with Junpei what that strange neck scar implied. He dismisses the most dramatic conclusion rather quickly - that was impossible to survive, and there were non-fatal reasons one could have a neck scar like that. Maybe an especially tight device around one’s neck, for example. But when Dirk claims to have died multiple times ... ]
Another guy I spoke to said he doesn’t think he’s dead. He was alive when he saw a copy of himself made like I did ... but ... if I’m dead, what’s the point of reaching my full potential now? It’s too late, isn’t it? After this place ...
[ His voice grows scared and small as he curls in on himself a little. ]
(It's reasonable of Junpei to question the scar. After all, no one could survive that. Yet Dirk was here. And since arriving, he had been decapitated once again and brought back.
He watches Junpei and maybe the guy didn't like him much but...Dirk lightly lowers his arm around Junpei's shoulders as a silent gesture of potential comfort.)
There is whatever is in this world. You aren't dead here. Mortality is not a fixed state, Junpei. Time isn't either. It won't do you any good to act like there is no hope left just because your typical life is left behind.
(He sighs, setting his drink between his legs.)
You'll move on. Figure a new life. It's not too late at all. Just sounds like you got a second chance, man.
[ It’s true he’s uneasy about Dirk, but in this moment he needs the comfort. There’s the fresh memory of how alone and scared he felt when he’d found his mother’s body, how suddenly he wasn’t the independent and super mature seventeen year old he fancied himself to be. He was a child who only had his mother, his only true friend in all the world. His rock. He’d clung to Mahito, desperate for comfort. Totally unaware that same person he sought solace from would be the one to end his life.
But still he doesn’t shake Dirk off remembering that. Instead he lets the arm stay while he absorbs his words. Kaneki suggesting he would make friends here resurfaces. He’d dismissed the idea. But ... was it really possible? Could he be happy here? ]
I just ... don’t know how to trust ... who to trust ... I thought I did back home and I was wrong.
[ Oh no, he feels tears welling up. He raises a hand to try and dry them before they fall. He did NOT want to cry in front of Dirk. ]
I - I should go ...
[ He gets up suddenly, feeling much too raw and exposed. ]
[ He really, really shouldn’t lower his walls for Dirk. Shouldn’t let it be like Mahito where a few simple kindnesses convinced him the other was on his side. That it was okay to be vulnerable around him, to let his weak points show.
But, he won’t resist or try to pull away. He turns to face Dirk, brow furrowed in confusion. ]
I’m not really the athletic type ... so I haven’t given it much thought. I guess doing some things repeatedly is going to make those areas stronger?
(At least Dirk wasn't pretending to be kind. An act of kindness, he felt, did not define his character. He would never refer to himself as kind and he didn't think this was kindness.
It was honesty. When Junpei doesn't pull away, he leans forward and rests his other hand over Junpei's wrist and slides a finger up over the edge of his arm.)
Every time you work out, you get these micro-tears in your muscles. You literally pull your body apart. It's why it's so important to rest properly and not work out extensively every day. It's why you're sore after an intense workout and why athletes are so prone to injury.
(He curls his fingers around Junpei's arm.)
But then when you're less sore, you work out again, and those places heal stronger than they were before. You keep doing this again and again and that's what gives you muscle mass. A lot of pain, a lot of calculated damage that you know you can withstand.
(He lets go of Junpei.)
Life here or life back in your world will hurt. It's your choice if you want to see what you can do with that pain or if you'd rather give up before you really see what can happen.
[ That sliding finger causes a little shiver to run up his spine. He doesn’t know why, and doesn’t get to dwell on it long before he’s drawn into Dirk’s explanation. Mostly he pays close attention, but there are a few times he catches himself observing Dirk more than what he’s saying.
He’s attractive. It only really occurs to him now, now that he’s not being infuriating via egotism or lewdness or ... any number of creative ways he could be annoying.
But still an oddball, and definitely likes to hear himself talk, Junpei quietly reminds himself as he refocuses on listening to what the other is actually saying. ]
... I have a lot of things to unlearn. I know that. But ... I won’t lie to you and pretend I can just throw myself at life here and not overthink. I’ll consider what you’ve said. I just ... need some time.
(It's one of those times too where Dirk isn't paying too much attention to how someone might be looking at him. Times where he is lost in things that aren't part of some overcompensating mind game where infuriation is the end goal every time for everyone.)
I understand. It would be unnatural if you could. (Dirk only could because Dirk was always an exception to the rule. He lived a strange life and this Folkmore nonsense was just an extenuating part of it all.)
Take all the time you need. Not like we're going anywhere anytime soon. (Probably.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Another guy I spoke to said he doesn’t think he’s dead. He was alive when he saw a copy of himself made like I did ... but ... if I’m dead, what’s the point of reaching my full potential now? It’s too late, isn’t it? After this place ...
[ His voice grows scared and small as he curls in on himself a little. ]
... what is there left for me?
cw: decapitation
He watches Junpei and maybe the guy didn't like him much but...Dirk lightly lowers his arm around Junpei's shoulders as a silent gesture of potential comfort.)
There is whatever is in this world. You aren't dead here. Mortality is not a fixed state, Junpei. Time isn't either. It won't do you any good to act like there is no hope left just because your typical life is left behind.
(He sighs, setting his drink between his legs.)
You'll move on. Figure a new life. It's not too late at all. Just sounds like you got a second chance, man.
no subject
But still he doesn’t shake Dirk off remembering that. Instead he lets the arm stay while he absorbs his words. Kaneki suggesting he would make friends here resurfaces. He’d dismissed the idea. But ... was it really possible? Could he be happy here? ]
I just ... don’t know how to trust ... who to trust ... I thought I did back home and I was wrong.
[ Oh no, he feels tears welling up. He raises a hand to try and dry them before they fall. He did NOT want to cry in front of Dirk. ]
I - I should go ...
[ He gets up suddenly, feeling much too raw and exposed. ]
no subject
(He sees those tears but doesn't call them out.)
We are all wrong sometimes. We make bad choices because of poor decisions. You can't beat yourself up forever over it or else...
(Ah...He reaches out a quick hand and grabs Junpei's wrist, but his grip is gentle. Firm, but gentle.)
Junpei, do you know how people gain muscles? The science behind it? Humor me for a second before you leave.
no subject
But, he won’t resist or try to pull away. He turns to face Dirk, brow furrowed in confusion. ]
I’m not really the athletic type ... so I haven’t given it much thought. I guess doing some things repeatedly is going to make those areas stronger?
no subject
It was honesty. When Junpei doesn't pull away, he leans forward and rests his other hand over Junpei's wrist and slides a finger up over the edge of his arm.)
Every time you work out, you get these micro-tears in your muscles. You literally pull your body apart. It's why it's so important to rest properly and not work out extensively every day. It's why you're sore after an intense workout and why athletes are so prone to injury.
(He curls his fingers around Junpei's arm.)
But then when you're less sore, you work out again, and those places heal stronger than they were before. You keep doing this again and again and that's what gives you muscle mass. A lot of pain, a lot of calculated damage that you know you can withstand.
(He lets go of Junpei.)
Life here or life back in your world will hurt. It's your choice if you want to see what you can do with that pain or if you'd rather give up before you really see what can happen.
no subject
He’s attractive. It only really occurs to him now, now that he’s not being infuriating via egotism or lewdness or ... any number of creative ways he could be annoying.
But still an oddball, and definitely likes to hear himself talk, Junpei quietly reminds himself as he refocuses on listening to what the other is actually saying. ]
... I have a lot of things to unlearn. I know that. But ... I won’t lie to you and pretend I can just throw myself at life here and not overthink. I’ll consider what you’ve said. I just ... need some time.
no subject
I understand. It would be unnatural if you could. (Dirk only could because Dirk was always an exception to the rule. He lived a strange life and this Folkmore nonsense was just an extenuating part of it all.)
Take all the time you need. Not like we're going anywhere anytime soon. (Probably.)