[ they are talking about food and Kaneki just... never talked about it. Because he avoids it, mostly, and because hit's so hard to explain since he is the kind of person he is. Who hates himself at each bite he takes because to him, that means he is not kind. ]
The meat I'm getting comes from spoons. It means no one is being killed for me and I'm not stealing bodies to feed myself. I am aware of that.
But it's still what it is. And
[ there is a long pause before the next text comes. The link remains open, thus Dirk can mostly feel Kaneki struggling with his next words, worried and guilty, all at the same time ]
And it tastes so good. It feels so good. And it shouldn't. It's wrong that it gives me so much pleasure. Sometimes, I even lose control and I just eat nonstop, as if I'm some kind of animal.
Ken...This is part of who you are now. You do not need to hate this part of yourself so much.
It's okay if it brings you pleasure. I know it's hard to imagine this being okay, but you wouldn't shame me for deriving pleasure from eating a good meal, would you? I won't do that to you either.
We are animals. It's okay, Ken. I understand, but. I love every part of you, okay? I want you to feel comfortable around me and I don't want you to feel you have to hide anything.
I can always look away if you really want, but I promise I would never judge you.
I know. It's okay, Ken. We can figure it out together, okay?
Why don't we just work from the ground up? You can maybe drink some blood or something around me or have a snack? Not a whole meal? We can do it while we are watching a movie.
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no subject
The meat I'm getting comes from spoons. It means no one is being killed for me and I'm not stealing bodies to feed myself. I am aware of that.
But it's still what it is. And
[ there is a long pause before the next text comes. The link remains open, thus Dirk can mostly feel Kaneki struggling with his next words, worried and guilty, all at the same time ]
And it tastes so good. It feels so good.
And it shouldn't. It's wrong that it gives me so much pleasure.
Sometimes, I even lose control and I just eat nonstop, as if I'm some kind of animal.
I don't want you to see me like that.
no subject
It's okay if it brings you pleasure. I know it's hard to imagine this being okay, but you wouldn't shame me for deriving pleasure from eating a good meal, would you? I won't do that to you either.
We are animals. It's okay, Ken. I understand, but. I love every part of you, okay? I want you to feel comfortable around me and I don't want you to feel you have to hide anything.
I can always look away if you really want, but I promise I would never judge you.
no subject
I know you won't judge me and I know you won't be mad or grossed out. I know you don't hate what I am.
It's so scary though. To show you this part of myself.
I'm not sure how to even do it.
no subject
Why don't we just work from the ground up? You can maybe drink some blood or something around me or have a snack? Not a whole meal? We can do it while we are watching a movie.
no subject
Okay. We can try that, then. Just a little at a time.
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And hey, if you can't eat in front of me, that's cool. But I still want you to be able to store your food at the ranch. I can make you a cellar.
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I have a freezer at my house, we can bring it in.