[ Dirk was always such a surprise. In every thought kaneki had before about having someone, growing a relationship, getting a lover, never Kaneki had accounted for a surprise like Dirk. Someone who sees him from inside, hears him always, and feels him completely. Someone who somehow just sees through him and within him and leaves no stone unturned, leaves no corner a mystery - and despite all that knowledge, he is still there, staring at kaneki and just loving him.
What a surprise Dirk was. What a surprise.
With Dirk pouring his feelings into their link, Kaneki sighs and somehow his numb mind starts working again, if only to be filled with love. He accepts the loving gestures as well, resting against Dirk's chest to hear his heartbeat and be closer to him while he hears his words. Somehow, he knows what to say and Kaneki listens, paying attention to every single word because he'd rather listen to Dirk forever than to think about his own horrors.
He is right.
Kaneki has been... so hungry. All the time. Never once he got rid of that nagging sensation inside him, that sensation that told him he needed more than the bare minimum. Kaneki believed he was more human by holding back for as long as he could, but how silly is that? Dirk is right, no matter how much Kaneki denies it and pretends to be only human, he is in fact, a ghoul. Even if just half-ghoul, he still needs to accept that he has a ghoul part - and that his ghoul part can not be rejected or denied the way Ken constantly does. ]
Back home, there were other ghouls and I-- I relied on them. It was a bit unfair of me, to always expect to be saved by them. [ there is a reason why Touka-chan always acted like Kaneki was a bit of a nuisance. Because, in the end, he really was relying on her to feel good about himself, to have a ghoul taking care of Kaneki's ghoul-part and this way Kaneki could still act fully human. ]
I don't want you to go that far, I have to be able to do that much on my own. I need to do that much on my own.
But I just... [ kaneki lifts his head, looking back at his boyfriend while his hands finally reach for him, shy fingers attempt to touch Dirk's cheek even if they leave a trail of blood ] I just want you to look at me. Even when I do this. [ even when kaneki goes on a binge, he wants Dirk to still look at him like he is doing now. All kaneki wants is for Dirk not to look away in disgust because that is the one thing Kaneki could never bear. ]
Even when I feel like this. [ Intoxicated by the pleasure, elated at the feelings that rushes through his body. And when Kaneki mentions it, it becomes louder - it floods their link and the pleasure is back and Kaneki's body feels like it's on fire. Not the painful kind, but the kind that makes someone want to melt into it and drown in a indescribable pleasure.
kaneki isn't eating, no, but his body will continue to feel like this for a bit longer. It will also feel rejuvenated, as if he slept so well, and he has all the energy in the world pumping through his veins ]
(Dirk was thorough in everything he decided to hyper-fixate on. Before, he had felt like everything he did was the wrong, obsessive move. Now, he just knew sometimes that being obsessive was okay if it was with the right person. He wanted to know Kaneki because he wanted to know how to love him the way he deserved. It was more selfless than Dirk had ever really anticipated of himself. They were both a surprise to one another.)
You were new though, weren't you? Everyone's got their training wheels. So, you've got those training wheels wrenched off here. (He tips his head to look at Kaneki, brows raised. It was hard to promise that he wouldn't do what he could. It was his role as a guardian, as an aggressive class. He didn't really know how to step back and let someone flourish on their own even on a platonic level. There was a reason he came in so hard at people. Even here. He was a pusher.
Dirk doesn't mind the blood in the slightest. He gazes back at Kaneki and his face softens.)
Ken, there's literally nothin' in the fuckin' known cosmos you could do that would make me look at you any other way. (Disgust wasn't really an emotion that occupied the home of his heart.)
Especially not for just doing what comes naturally to you.
(Even if Ken hated it. Dirk could never.
That pleasure melts into Dirk and he feels a swoop through his gut. There's the guilty leak of erotic arousal that slithers through him and he has to bite down an apology. Dirk was always running on high and feeling that same thrumming energy pulsing through his boyfriend made him feel like he was vibrating at a higher frequency even more than usual.)
...Is it normal to feel...
(A beat. Is it just because it's him? Is it his attraction to Ken? Is there something about Kaneki's pleasure that's affecting him or is Ken feeling that animal drive to feed and fuck in the same sitting? Okay, no. Focus, Dirk. Focus. Be respectful.)
I'm sorry. (Because he finds the sight of Ken so freed from his own hunger and covered in blood kind of hot. It's the carnal part of Dirk who was a fighter at his core and loved the idea of fucking after something violent. That good old barbarian tradition of celebration or something. He swallows again.)
Damn, fuck. I'm sorry, Ken. (He doesn't mean to be fetishizing this situation but that wave of pleasure kind of is knocking him over...?!)
[ kaneki leans further against Dirk, their bodies now pressing together without any shame. He can still feel his heartbeat and Kaneki is sure he can hear Dirk's breathing, his pulse, his muscles moving... he can smell him too; among all the blood and flesh and how sweet and delicious they smell, kaneki can also tell his boyfriend's smell apart. He can feel his heat and how it seems to be rising.
Being hungry does not allow Kaneki to make full use of his ghoul senses, but when well fed? It's a whole new world, if kaneki just focus. And he is focused on Dirk for sure.
His eyes set on his face and kaneki breathes in, wanting to feel the smell of arousal invading his nostrils, rather than the smell of dead bodies. Dirk is inciting, very much so, and Kaneki's heighten senses let him explore that even more. Slowly he licks his boyfriend's cheek, cleaning away the trail of blood Kaneki's fingers left, and while Dirk apologizes for feeling horny from this, Kaneki just makes everything more intense by flooding their link with a type of excitement that is hard to place when someone is a human. ]
I don't know. I never did it like this -
[ He doesn't know if it's normal to feel sexual arousal. In truth, Kaneki never really felt it when eating. But it's different if Dirk is there and it's different when he is already equating this pleasure with it; it only entices Kaneki to translate his own pleasure into horniness and given his own state, he can't stop.
Kaneki crawls up to Dirk, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and moving his legs to do the same around his waist. He expects Dirk to pick him up, yes ]
Take me to bed, Dirk. [ they surely could have sex in the cellar, but Kaneki still has a preference for bed. It will be a lot less messy and there will be a lot less eaten body parts around. ]
(Never before had he had someone so intensely focused on him the way he was on them. Never before had he been so thoroughly seen, and perceived. Being licked goes straight to his cock and he actually winds up shivering. Just a little one. It's not just the slide of Kaneki's tongue, but knowing what he was cleaning up.
He's practically bowled over by that rush of excitement from Ken. His own pulse of desire grows far more pronounced. He moves automatically, before Kaneki even asks, wrapping his arms tightly around Kaneki. He could clean this up later, but for now, he just wanted to show Ken how much he wanted him, even covered in blood and after a binge.
He's picking him up naturally. Kaneki practically has him conditioned to do that whenever he wrapped around him like this. He's on his feet and moving out of the cellar. He would take Ken wherever he wanted. He floats back up into the main section of the ranch and slides through the halls and back into their bedroom.
He settles Ken into the middle of the bed, coming to settle his weight fully against Kaneki. Then he's kissing him, sliding their mouths together and chasing that curious taste of human blood in Kaneki's mouth. He's tasted his own dozens of times, but it's different knowing that this blood is from...Someone. Someone else, someone neither of them knows, and he's not bothered.
If anything, it's easy to mix up the emotions flowing back and forth between their link. He can't tell which is his pleasure, which is Kaneki's, what's the pleasure of the ghoul, and what's the pleasure of the body. It didn't matter, did it? All he did know was that it was more addictive than usual kissing Kaneki, and unexpectedly, he actually moans into the kiss, a pathetic sound he normally didn't make til he was buried deep in Ken or vice versa.)
Could never be disgusted by you. God. Fuck, you're so fucking- (Hot and perfect. So goddamn perfect for Dirk. So perfect in general.)
[ there is a bit of shame in doing this after he raided the freezer, with his face covered in blood, stomach full of flesh and guts, and Dirk tainted by the leftovers of it all. But honestly, it's hard to focus on it when kaneki feels his body burning with all the energy and pleasure, and now excitement. It's hard to focus when Dirk is aroused and he can't help but to become aroused too. It's so so hard to focus when he is drowning himself with Dirk smell, heat, touches, kisses, heart beat, and everything - everything - that Kaneki seems to now be feeling more than ever.
Dirk's lack of disgust and how he accepts Kaneki to this point makes it so hard for Ken to properly focus on the shame and instead there he is, pressed against Dirk, arms and legs wrapped around him, bodies so close, and about to drown in each other and forget everything else.
Laid on the bed, they kiss and Kaneki's hands keep Dirk in place on top of him. He kisses his boyfriend hard, tongues pressing together and the sweet taste in Kaneki's mouth is quickly replaced with Dirk's own sweet and completely addictive taste, and Ken's hands drag through the skin of the blonde's back, touching it with desire and leaving coloured blue marks as if Dirk had been clawed.
Kaneki's leg rests against the side of Dirk's body, keeping him close, keeping him on top of Ken's smaller frame, and when that kiss breaks, Kaneki gasps and drops his head back. His ghoul eye was already reacting before, but now large red veins cross Kaneki's cheek as his excitement grows and something at his lower back itches to escape. ]
Dirk- I want you, I want you- [ so badly, Kaneki almost can't stand it. His hand move to Dirk's cheek and he kisses his boyfriend again possessively, legs attempt to trap Dirk there too, but that itching sensation from Kaneki's lower back finally goes further - and three large red scaled tentacles burst out of it, violently making their way under kaneki to spread out. One stabs the bed unharmoniously right above kaneki's head, but the other two immediately wrap around Dirk, demanding he doesn't try to move away and keeping the blond in place even more possessively than Kaneki has been so far.
At least Kaneki does take a moment to pause when they come out, blinking because he just stabbed the bed ]
C-crap! Are you hurt? [ Kaneki proceeds to try and shove the tentacle close to his face. Which is a bit ridiculous because he is the one who controls them, after all - instinctively, though. ]
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What a surprise Dirk was. What a surprise.
With Dirk pouring his feelings into their link, Kaneki sighs and somehow his numb mind starts working again, if only to be filled with love. He accepts the loving gestures as well, resting against Dirk's chest to hear his heartbeat and be closer to him while he hears his words. Somehow, he knows what to say and Kaneki listens, paying attention to every single word because he'd rather listen to Dirk forever than to think about his own horrors.
He is right.
Kaneki has been... so hungry. All the time. Never once he got rid of that nagging sensation inside him, that sensation that told him he needed more than the bare minimum. Kaneki believed he was more human by holding back for as long as he could, but how silly is that? Dirk is right, no matter how much Kaneki denies it and pretends to be only human, he is in fact, a ghoul. Even if just half-ghoul, he still needs to accept that he has a ghoul part - and that his ghoul part can not be rejected or denied the way Ken constantly does. ]
Back home, there were other ghouls and I-- I relied on them. It was a bit unfair of me, to always expect to be saved by them. [ there is a reason why Touka-chan always acted like Kaneki was a bit of a nuisance. Because, in the end, he really was relying on her to feel good about himself, to have a ghoul taking care of Kaneki's ghoul-part and this way Kaneki could still act fully human. ]
I don't want you to go that far, I have to be able to do that much on my own. I need to do that much on my own.
But I just... [ kaneki lifts his head, looking back at his boyfriend while his hands finally reach for him, shy fingers attempt to touch Dirk's cheek even if they leave a trail of blood ] I just want you to look at me. Even when I do this. [ even when kaneki goes on a binge, he wants Dirk to still look at him like he is doing now. All kaneki wants is for Dirk not to look away in disgust because that is the one thing Kaneki could never bear. ]
Even when I feel like this. [ Intoxicated by the pleasure, elated at the feelings that rushes through his body. And when Kaneki mentions it, it becomes louder - it floods their link and the pleasure is back and Kaneki's body feels like it's on fire. Not the painful kind, but the kind that makes someone want to melt into it and drown in a indescribable pleasure.
kaneki isn't eating, no, but his body will continue to feel like this for a bit longer. It will also feel rejuvenated, as if he slept so well, and he has all the energy in the world pumping through his veins ]
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You were new though, weren't you? Everyone's got their training wheels. So, you've got those training wheels wrenched off here. (He tips his head to look at Kaneki, brows raised. It was hard to promise that he wouldn't do what he could. It was his role as a guardian, as an aggressive class. He didn't really know how to step back and let someone flourish on their own even on a platonic level. There was a reason he came in so hard at people. Even here. He was a pusher.
Dirk doesn't mind the blood in the slightest. He gazes back at Kaneki and his face softens.)
Ken, there's literally nothin' in the fuckin' known cosmos you could do that would make me look at you any other way. (Disgust wasn't really an emotion that occupied the home of his heart.)
Especially not for just doing what comes naturally to you.
(Even if Ken hated it. Dirk could never.
That pleasure melts into Dirk and he feels a swoop through his gut. There's the guilty leak of erotic arousal that slithers through him and he has to bite down an apology. Dirk was always running on high and feeling that same thrumming energy pulsing through his boyfriend made him feel like he was vibrating at a higher frequency even more than usual.)
...Is it normal to feel...
(A beat. Is it just because it's him? Is it his attraction to Ken? Is there something about Kaneki's pleasure that's affecting him or is Ken feeling that animal drive to feed and fuck in the same sitting? Okay, no. Focus, Dirk. Focus. Be respectful.)
I'm sorry. (Because he finds the sight of Ken so freed from his own hunger and covered in blood kind of hot. It's the carnal part of Dirk who was a fighter at his core and loved the idea of fucking after something violent. That good old barbarian tradition of celebration or something. He swallows again.)
Damn, fuck. I'm sorry, Ken. (He doesn't mean to be fetishizing this situation but that wave of pleasure kind of is knocking him over...?!)
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Being hungry does not allow Kaneki to make full use of his ghoul senses, but when well fed? It's a whole new world, if kaneki just focus. And he is focused on Dirk for sure.
His eyes set on his face and kaneki breathes in, wanting to feel the smell of arousal invading his nostrils, rather than the smell of dead bodies. Dirk is inciting, very much so, and Kaneki's heighten senses let him explore that even more. Slowly he licks his boyfriend's cheek, cleaning away the trail of blood Kaneki's fingers left, and while Dirk apologizes for feeling horny from this, Kaneki just makes everything more intense by flooding their link with a type of excitement that is hard to place when someone is a human. ]
I don't know. I never did it like this -
[ He doesn't know if it's normal to feel sexual arousal. In truth, Kaneki never really felt it when eating. But it's different if Dirk is there and it's different when he is already equating this pleasure with it; it only entices Kaneki to translate his own pleasure into horniness and given his own state, he can't stop.
Kaneki crawls up to Dirk, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and moving his legs to do the same around his waist. He expects Dirk to pick him up, yes ]
Take me to bed, Dirk. [ they surely could have sex in the cellar, but Kaneki still has a preference for bed. It will be a lot less messy and there will be a lot less eaten body parts around. ]
no subject
He's practically bowled over by that rush of excitement from Ken. His own pulse of desire grows far more pronounced. He moves automatically, before Kaneki even asks, wrapping his arms tightly around Kaneki. He could clean this up later, but for now, he just wanted to show Ken how much he wanted him, even covered in blood and after a binge.
He's picking him up naturally. Kaneki practically has him conditioned to do that whenever he wrapped around him like this. He's on his feet and moving out of the cellar. He would take Ken wherever he wanted. He floats back up into the main section of the ranch and slides through the halls and back into their bedroom.
He settles Ken into the middle of the bed, coming to settle his weight fully against Kaneki. Then he's kissing him, sliding their mouths together and chasing that curious taste of human blood in Kaneki's mouth. He's tasted his own dozens of times, but it's different knowing that this blood is from...Someone. Someone else, someone neither of them knows, and he's not bothered.
If anything, it's easy to mix up the emotions flowing back and forth between their link. He can't tell which is his pleasure, which is Kaneki's, what's the pleasure of the ghoul, and what's the pleasure of the body. It didn't matter, did it? All he did know was that it was more addictive than usual kissing Kaneki, and unexpectedly, he actually moans into the kiss, a pathetic sound he normally didn't make til he was buried deep in Ken or vice versa.)
Could never be disgusted by you. God. Fuck, you're so fucking- (Hot and perfect. So goddamn perfect for Dirk. So perfect in general.)
no subject
Dirk's lack of disgust and how he accepts Kaneki to this point makes it so hard for Ken to properly focus on the shame and instead there he is, pressed against Dirk, arms and legs wrapped around him, bodies so close, and about to drown in each other and forget everything else.
Laid on the bed, they kiss and Kaneki's hands keep Dirk in place on top of him. He kisses his boyfriend hard, tongues pressing together and the sweet taste in Kaneki's mouth is quickly replaced with Dirk's own sweet and completely addictive taste, and Ken's hands drag through the skin of the blonde's back, touching it with desire and leaving coloured blue marks as if Dirk had been clawed.
Kaneki's leg rests against the side of Dirk's body, keeping him close, keeping him on top of Ken's smaller frame, and when that kiss breaks, Kaneki gasps and drops his head back. His ghoul eye was already reacting before, but now large red veins cross Kaneki's cheek as his excitement grows and something at his lower back itches to escape. ]
Dirk- I want you, I want you- [ so badly, Kaneki almost can't stand it. His hand move to Dirk's cheek and he kisses his boyfriend again possessively, legs attempt to trap Dirk there too, but that itching sensation from Kaneki's lower back finally goes further - and three large red scaled tentacles burst out of it, violently making their way under kaneki to spread out. One stabs the bed unharmoniously right above kaneki's head, but the other two immediately wrap around Dirk, demanding he doesn't try to move away and keeping the blond in place even more possessively than Kaneki has been so far.
At least Kaneki does take a moment to pause when they come out, blinking because he just stabbed the bed ]
C-crap! Are you hurt? [ Kaneki proceeds to try and shove the tentacle close to his face. Which is a bit ridiculous because he is the one who controls them, after all - instinctively, though. ]