excuse me, i said days when i meant years. fuck even my jokes are shitty. everything sucks.
anyway see you soon.
[He does eventually turn up on Dirk and Kaneki's doorstep, red eyed and frizzy haired and looking quite a bit like a lost puppy. A puppy that fell into a pool of Franzia maybe.]
(He won't grind into Kyle too much out of sheer pity. When Kyle arrives at his place not too long after, Dirk opens the door and gives him a long look before clicking his tongue.)
Yeah, you look about how I expected you would.
(He steps aside, swinging the door open wide to let Kyle in.)
If I were single, just know that I would totally give you a rebound recovery fuck outta pity, man. Instead, I got a fuckton of tequila.
[Kyle shuffles in, not even mad about the idea of being a pity fuck. On some level he recognises that Dirk really does mean well in his own peculiar way.
He rubs the heels of his hands shadowy his eyes.]
Tequila sounds fantastic. My boyfriend left me, let's destroy my liver.
Really though...If Kaneki were to suddenly up and vanish, the entire realm of Folkmore would have been nuked by now. As far as Dirk was concerned, Kyle was doing all right.
And because he's become something of a slightly better person because of his boyfriend, he thinks to reach out to Kyle and slide a hand over Kyle's shoulders before tugging him against his side in a partial hug, a partial way to drag him along.)
I'm sorry, man. I'd go fuckin' batshit if I were in your spot. (He squeezes Kyle. It doesn't take long to make it to the living room which he had already stocked up with snacks and booze.)
[Kyle, touchy feely creature that he is, melts against Dirk and lets himself be steered along. He drops onto the couch with a watery sigh.
Really, considering that Kyle does seem to be destructive quite by accident when he's angry, Folkmore is probably lucky that for the moment at least he's just depressed.]
I feel so stupid. Just... so fucking stupid.
[He's going straight for the tequila, pouring shots.]
I should have known. You know? I just feel so stupid.
Uhm. Yeah, okay. Put on... I dunno. A horror movie.
(Dirk doesn't bother with any mixers. He takes one of those shots for himself and throws it back. It took a bit to get him drunk, he discovered, but straight shots would get the job done.
He relaxes on the couch and pulls up The Shining because it's a classic and he figures it fits the parameters well enough. He doubted it would matter anyway.)
No reason for you to feel stupid, man. It's not like you can control how this place functions.
[Kyle, on the other hand, is a lightweight. He's already a little drunk from sad!wine.
He wipes at his eyes angrily.]
I blew it. I finally get over the guy I've been in love with my whole life and get a shot with someone amazing... and I turn into a vampire ho and lose him, win him back, and then lose him for good. I didn't deserve him.
[He studies his tequila brute throwing it back with a wince.]
Love ain't about what we do or don't deserve, Kyle.
(He had learned that by now. Although it was something he still struggled with, so he couldn't hold it against Kyle too much.)
Maybe he set you free, you know? Showed you that you could move on. Sometimes we just need that push. Maybe that shit was his own way of being your familiar or whatever.
(Not that it made it feel better...He takes a nother shot and snorts.)
No offense, Kyle, but that's the stupidest thing you've ever said.
I guess not. But it sure feels that way. It feels like I ruined it by being a jackass.
He did help me. A lot.
[He snuffles and takes his shot before he can start crying.]
No, it isn't. And I'm serious. Never ever falling in love again. I have my friends and a low sex drive. It's fine. I'll focus on... on the betterment of society!
Okay, so, let's say you did ruin it by being a jackass. Learn from that shit going forward. Don't make the same mistakes twice.
(Easier said than done, but hey. He takes another shot. But at that whole "betterment of society" bullshit, Dirk tips his head to stare at Kyle, allowing his glasses to actually slide down the bridge of his nose so he could fix Kyle with a steady, orange gaze.)
[Dirk's eyes are strange, but somehow very pretty.
Kyle looks back, defiant. It lasts all of five seconds; his expression trembles, and then he buries his face in his hands. His skinny shoulders shake as he sobs in great, oddly silent gasps.]
I miss him so much. I hate this. I can't do this again.
Okay, he can handle this. He slides an arm over Kyle's shoulders and tugs him against his side, sighing.)
I know, man. I know. (And he did. Heartbreak was absolutely goddamn miserable and he remembered a time when he thought he would never find love after Jake English. He slides his fingers into Kyle's hair to gently rub small circles.)
It's gonna suck for a while. Maybe even forever. I don't know. But you ain't alone.
[Kyle, for all his attempts to be rational, is an emotional person. He's only slightly embarrassed about leaning into Dirk and bawling because Dirk is a friend.
Nobody can cry forever. Kyle tapers off to watery hiccups, eyes sore and nose stuffed up.]
...be right back.
[He stumbles off the couch, heading to the bathroom so he can blow his nose and splash cold water on his face. He looks like hell - even his multiple wings look ragged.
Kyle returns to the couch, sitting hunched over. He takes some crackers from the table to nibble on. Miserably.]
I know I have you guys.
[He summons a wobbly smile.]
Which I appreciate. You and Ken and Nat and Junpei. I have you guys. I can be your third and fourth wheel.
[It's meant to be a joke, but it hits a sore spot. Kyle clears his throat, angry at himself.]
Sorry. Uhm. But I mean it about the appreciation. I don't need anything else.
(Some part of Dirk felt bad on a personal level. It wasn't like he could do shit all about it, but he ragged on Kyle enough in the past about relationship stuff that he sure as hell hoped Kyle wouldn't hear that shit echoing in his mind.)
Yeah, but I get it. It fucking sucks being a third and fourth wheel.
(Feeling like everyone else had better luck with romance than you ever did.)
I ain't gonna subject you to that, okay?
(Hmm...maybe not but...)
You should let me take care of you. (Well, okay that's really vague, Dirk.)
I mean like. Let me fix your hair and wings and shit.
[Unfortunately, Kyle has definitely absorbed every negative thing anyone has ever said about how he handles relationships. He's an overdramatic bitch often, but he really does mean it when he says he has no intention of approaching romance ever again.]
Dude, hey, it's okay. I actually really like hanging out with you guys. It's fun.
[He blinks.] Uh...
Oh! Oh. [He looks at his wings with vague annoyance.] They do look like shit, huh? I dunno why. I'm not doing anything different.
But, sure. Go nuts. I don't want people thinking I'm molting.
Kyle, literally no one who just went through a fucked up relationship situation wants to be around people in happy relationships.
(Dirk is the exact same way. He loathed people's happiness sometimes, and he also ran the worst things people have said to him over and over again in his mind.)
Stress can fuck you up.
(Dirk nods, gesturing for Kyle to come closer.)
Turn around. I used to take care of the seagulls. It'll feel good.
I dunno. I'd probably do that. At least for a little while.
(He knew he had the social maturity of a brick. He begins to carefully move his fingers through Kyle's wings.)
Mmhm. Back when I was a kid, seagulls would always chill on the rooftop of my place. They were annoying as fuck sometimes, but I guess they made all right company.
(They were also like...the only flesh and blood creature he had any consistent relationship with in person for the first sixteen years of his life...So he might be a little biased toward the feathery bastards and anything else with wings.)
Yeah, well. Heartbreak can make a bastard out of anyone, man. I'm just sayin' I won't hold it against you if that happens.
(Dirk is careful to not tug out any of the flight feathers. He grunts at the thing about spiders - mostly because there had been tons of those fuckers too, but he was far less fond of them.)
Yeah?
(...Yeah...)
You won't be, Kyle. C'mon. (Dirk rarely spoke softly, but for once, there's something akin to gentleness in his voice. Ken really had brought the best out of him. Maybe Kyle and Junpei did too, if he's being honest.)
So shit didn't end up like a fairy tale story. You can be bitter about it. Most people are gonna understand given the circumstances. But you're more aware of that shit now too, yeah?
Thanks. That's genuinely comforting, because I can be an asshole sometimes.
[Kyle, optimist that he is, has always thought that Dirk must have a kind side. It's nice to be proven right for once.]
Yeah.
I'm not mad at him, at least. Not like with what happened with my best friend; that was worse because the choice was his. It helps a little that it was out of our hands.
[He sighs.] I'll be okay. I might just not be cut out for love like other people have, and that's not bad. I'm already kinda weird, you know?
Friends matter a lot to me, and I have you guys here. That means a lot.
Yeah, we all can be real pricks, dude. I think we're all kinda at the point where we're past holding that shit against each other.
(It isn't a kind side!! It's a rational side! Or something!)
Yeah, that does help, doesn't it? (Then there wouldn't be nights spent nagging over what could have been done to change a terrible outcome. He focuses on taking care of Kyle's wings, meticulously and careful.)
I dunno if I believe all that horseshit. I don't exactly think I'm cut out for romance either. Have you fuckin' met me? I'm so shitty for romance that it's my stupid theme from the game. (Which he was still expecting the other shoe to drop with that one.)
But yet here I am - living it the fuck up in domestic bliss with a guy who's too good for me.
(He's not trying to shove it in. He's just talking plainly, sighing shortly after.)
I'm just saying. Us hopeless assholes sometimes just get lucky and find these weirdly amazing guys who want to love us despite us being us. Unsuited for love.
(Because he gets feeling like that. Even being with Ken, Dirk still felt that way sometimes. It's not a feeling you got over easily.)
You're right. Romance ain't everything in life, but I don't think this is a fair comparison, man. Most people don't have to combat random reality-hopping shenanigans in their relationships. Think of it this way - if you went back home, would you want Sollux sitting here wallowing in depression and acting like he's the one at fault and it's all on him for being a Mage of Doom and dooming his own relationship?
'Cause man, that would definitely have happened and something tells me you wouldn't want him doin' that shit either. So...maybe think of it that way. Would Sollux want you saying all this shit about yourself?
(.............)
Sex is fuckin' great, shut up. Don't put your dick out to dry like that, dude.
Well... I dunno. You're passionate, and even if you have the emotional intelligence of a potato you've definitely got a soul, dude. I know you guys all have this thing about the game, but like... I think maybe you don't fully see how much more you are than just a stupid role.
And you do have good taste in men.
[He actually smiles.]
No. He'd call me a loother. And look, I'm not like... I'm glad we had what we did. And I know I sound a little dramatic but it's just a lot easier for me to accept that I might not find anyone else for a long time than it is to throw myself into the dating pool. I hate dating.
[He cackles at that.] It's great with the right people! Without the right person I'll be just fine without fucking, dude.
The soul's not in the best shape, man. It's got a bunch of cracks in it and I ain't even being metaphorical here. (But maybe Kyle had a point. The longer they stayed in this world, the easier it had become to think beyond the scope of the game.
Kind of. In some ways. He still wasn't really sure what to do with himself, but he hadn't known what to do with himself after the game had technically been won either.)
Sometimes. I've had some questionable tastes once in a blue moon.
(Dirk listens to Kyle, and frankly, put like that, he gets where Kyle is coming from. If Ken just up and vanished, Dirk wouldn't exactly want to rush back out the door to fall in love with the nearest twink. Shit, he wouldn't even want a rebound. He'd just want to be left the fuck alone.)
All right, so no dating, no fucking. I get it. You were in love. (He neatens out the final part of Kyle's wings.)
I think if our roles were switched and you told me to just go fuck someone to get over Ken, I'd probably cut your head off.
(Literally.)
In that case, man, just kick it back and chill with me for a while. We'll work on it day by day.
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Don't be so dramatic, dude. If you get lost, I'll just come find your scrawny pathetic ass.
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anyway see you soon.
[He does eventually turn up on Dirk and Kaneki's doorstep, red eyed and frizzy haired and looking quite a bit like a lost puppy. A puppy that fell into a pool of Franzia maybe.]
Hey, dude.
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(He won't grind into Kyle too much out of sheer pity. When Kyle arrives at his place not too long after, Dirk opens the door and gives him a long look before clicking his tongue.)
Yeah, you look about how I expected you would.
(He steps aside, swinging the door open wide to let Kyle in.)
If I were single, just know that I would totally give you a rebound recovery fuck outta pity, man. Instead, I got a fuckton of tequila.
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[Kyle shuffles in, not even mad about the idea of being a pity fuck. On some level he recognises that Dirk really does mean well in his own peculiar way.
He rubs the heels of his hands shadowy his eyes.]
Tequila sounds fantastic. My boyfriend left me, let's destroy my liver.
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(It's how he Cares.
Really though...If Kaneki were to suddenly up and vanish, the entire realm of Folkmore would have been nuked by now. As far as Dirk was concerned, Kyle was doing all right.
And because he's become something of a slightly better person because of his boyfriend, he thinks to reach out to Kyle and slide a hand over Kyle's shoulders before tugging him against his side in a partial hug, a partial way to drag him along.)
I'm sorry, man. I'd go fuckin' batshit if I were in your spot. (He squeezes Kyle. It doesn't take long to make it to the living room which he had already stocked up with snacks and booze.)
We can watch whatever you want.
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Really, considering that Kyle does seem to be destructive quite by accident when he's angry, Folkmore is probably lucky that for the moment at least he's just depressed.]
I feel so stupid. Just... so fucking stupid.
[He's going straight for the tequila, pouring shots.]
I should have known. You know? I just feel so stupid.
Uhm. Yeah, okay. Put on... I dunno. A horror movie.
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He relaxes on the couch and pulls up The Shining because it's a classic and he figures it fits the parameters well enough. He doubted it would matter anyway.)
No reason for you to feel stupid, man. It's not like you can control how this place functions.
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He wipes at his eyes angrily.]
I blew it. I finally get over the guy I've been in love with my whole life and get a shot with someone amazing... and I turn into a vampire ho and lose him, win him back, and then lose him for good. I didn't deserve him.
[He studies his tequila brute throwing it back with a wince.]
That's it. I'm done. Never again.
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(He had learned that by now. Although it was something he still struggled with, so he couldn't hold it against Kyle too much.)
Maybe he set you free, you know? Showed you that you could move on. Sometimes we just need that push. Maybe that shit was his own way of being your familiar or whatever.
(Not that it made it feel better...He takes a nother shot and snorts.)
No offense, Kyle, but that's the stupidest thing you've ever said.
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I guess not. But it sure feels that way. It feels like I ruined it by being a jackass.
He did help me. A lot.
[He snuffles and takes his shot before he can start crying.]
No, it isn't. And I'm serious. Never ever falling in love again. I have my friends and a low sex drive. It's fine. I'll focus on... on the betterment of society!
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(Easier said than done, but hey. He takes another shot. But at that whole "betterment of society" bullshit, Dirk tips his head to stare at Kyle, allowing his glasses to actually slide down the bridge of his nose so he could fix Kyle with a steady, orange gaze.)
Bro. Be for fuckin' real.
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Kyle looks back, defiant. It lasts all of five seconds; his expression trembles, and then he buries his face in his hands. His skinny shoulders shake as he sobs in great, oddly silent gasps.]
I miss him so much. I hate this. I can't do this again.
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Okay, he can handle this. He slides an arm over Kyle's shoulders and tugs him against his side, sighing.)
I know, man. I know. (And he did. Heartbreak was absolutely goddamn miserable and he remembered a time when he thought he would never find love after Jake English. He slides his fingers into Kyle's hair to gently rub small circles.)
It's gonna suck for a while. Maybe even forever. I don't know. But you ain't alone.
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Nobody can cry forever. Kyle tapers off to watery hiccups, eyes sore and nose stuffed up.]
...be right back.
[He stumbles off the couch, heading to the bathroom so he can blow his nose and splash cold water on his face. He looks like hell - even his multiple wings look ragged.
Kyle returns to the couch, sitting hunched over. He takes some crackers from the table to nibble on. Miserably.]
I know I have you guys.
[He summons a wobbly smile.]
Which I appreciate. You and Ken and Nat and Junpei. I have you guys. I can be your third and fourth wheel.
[It's meant to be a joke, but it hits a sore spot. Kyle clears his throat, angry at himself.]
Sorry. Uhm. But I mean it about the appreciation. I don't need anything else.
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Yeah, but I get it. It fucking sucks being a third and fourth wheel.
(Feeling like everyone else had better luck with romance than you ever did.)
I ain't gonna subject you to that, okay?
(Hmm...maybe not but...)
You should let me take care of you. (Well, okay that's really vague, Dirk.)
I mean like. Let me fix your hair and wings and shit.
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Dude, hey, it's okay. I actually really like hanging out with you guys. It's fun.
[He blinks.] Uh...
Oh! Oh. [He looks at his wings with vague annoyance.] They do look like shit, huh? I dunno why. I'm not doing anything different.
But, sure. Go nuts. I don't want people thinking I'm molting.
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(Dirk is the exact same way. He loathed people's happiness sometimes, and he also ran the worst things people have said to him over and over again in his mind.)
Stress can fuck you up.
(Dirk nods, gesturing for Kyle to come closer.)
Turn around. I used to take care of the seagulls. It'll feel good.
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[Kyle does as he's bid, eyebrows lifting.]
Seagulls?
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(He knew he had the social maturity of a brick. He begins to carefully move his fingers through Kyle's wings.)
Mmhm. Back when I was a kid, seagulls would always chill on the rooftop of my place. They were annoying as fuck sometimes, but I guess they made all right company.
(They were also like...the only flesh and blood creature he had any consistent relationship with in person for the first sixteen years of his life...So he might be a little biased toward the feathery bastards and anything else with wings.)
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[It feels nice to have someone from his wings, which is not something Kyle was expecting.]
Better than spiders, I guess.
[He's quiet a while.]
You remember when we first got here? And you called me out for being bitter? I don't want to be that guy again.
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(Dirk is careful to not tug out any of the flight feathers. He grunts at the thing about spiders - mostly because there had been tons of those fuckers too, but he was far less fond of them.)
Yeah?
(...Yeah...)
You won't be, Kyle. C'mon. (Dirk rarely spoke softly, but for once, there's something akin to gentleness in his voice. Ken really had brought the best out of him. Maybe Kyle and Junpei did too, if he's being honest.)
So shit didn't end up like a fairy tale story. You can be bitter about it. Most people are gonna understand given the circumstances. But you're more aware of that shit now too, yeah?
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[Kyle, optimist that he is, has always thought that Dirk must have a kind side. It's nice to be proven right for once.]
Yeah.
I'm not mad at him, at least. Not like with what happened with my best friend; that was worse because the choice was his. It helps a little that it was out of our hands.
[He sighs.] I'll be okay. I might just not be cut out for love like other people have, and that's not bad. I'm already kinda weird, you know?
Friends matter a lot to me, and I have you guys here. That means a lot.
And sex is whatever, I don't need it.
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(It isn't a kind side!! It's a rational side! Or something!)
Yeah, that does help, doesn't it? (Then there wouldn't be nights spent nagging over what could have been done to change a terrible outcome. He focuses on taking care of Kyle's wings, meticulously and careful.)
I dunno if I believe all that horseshit. I don't exactly think I'm cut out for romance either. Have you fuckin' met me? I'm so shitty for romance that it's my stupid theme from the game. (Which he was still expecting the other shoe to drop with that one.)
But yet here I am - living it the fuck up in domestic bliss with a guy who's too good for me.
(He's not trying to shove it in. He's just talking plainly, sighing shortly after.)
I'm just saying. Us hopeless assholes sometimes just get lucky and find these weirdly amazing guys who want to love us despite us being us. Unsuited for love.
(Because he gets feeling like that. Even being with Ken, Dirk still felt that way sometimes. It's not a feeling you got over easily.)
You're right. Romance ain't everything in life, but I don't think this is a fair comparison, man. Most people don't have to combat random reality-hopping shenanigans in their relationships. Think of it this way - if you went back home, would you want Sollux sitting here wallowing in depression and acting like he's the one at fault and it's all on him for being a Mage of Doom and dooming his own relationship?
'Cause man, that would definitely have happened and something tells me you wouldn't want him doin' that shit either. So...maybe think of it that way. Would Sollux want you saying all this shit about yourself?
(.............)
Sex is fuckin' great, shut up. Don't put your dick out to dry like that, dude.
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Well... I dunno. You're passionate, and even if you have the emotional intelligence of a potato you've definitely got a soul, dude. I know you guys all have this thing about the game, but like... I think maybe you don't fully see how much more you are than just a stupid role.
And you do have good taste in men.
[He actually smiles.]
No. He'd call me a loother. And look, I'm not like... I'm glad we had what we did. And I know I sound a little dramatic but it's just a lot easier for me to accept that I might not find anyone else for a long time than it is to throw myself into the dating pool. I hate dating.
[He cackles at that.] It's great with the right people! Without the right person I'll be just fine without fucking, dude.
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Kind of. In some ways. He still wasn't really sure what to do with himself, but he hadn't known what to do with himself after the game had technically been won either.)
Sometimes. I've had some questionable tastes once in a blue moon.
(Dirk listens to Kyle, and frankly, put like that, he gets where Kyle is coming from. If Ken just up and vanished, Dirk wouldn't exactly want to rush back out the door to fall in love with the nearest twink. Shit, he wouldn't even want a rebound. He'd just want to be left the fuck alone.)
All right, so no dating, no fucking. I get it. You were in love. (He neatens out the final part of Kyle's wings.)
I think if our roles were switched and you told me to just go fuck someone to get over Ken, I'd probably cut your head off.
(Literally.)
In that case, man, just kick it back and chill with me for a while. We'll work on it day by day.
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