[ Junpei opts for a strawberry banana concoction, quietly thanking Dirk afterwards. He can be a little sassy, but he still has some basic societal politeness ingrained into him.
Heās careful to take his time drinking it, eager for the relief from the heat but not wanting to invite brain freeze. ]
Maybe in some people it might, but I donāt think thatās true for everyone. Sex is over glorified in society.
[ Sex was a frequent enough theme even in horror movies. It was easy to think of a dozen off the top of his head where some young girl was shown barely dressed for no reason other than to titillate. It always made him roll his eyes. ]
Youāre made to think youāre a loser if youāre my age and not having it.
(Dirk didn't get to enjoy this kind of treat back in his world. He's slow with it himself, wanting to relish it rather than just suck it down. It tasted like fresh citrus.)
Is it over-glorified or simply mishandled in terms of conversations surrounding it? I wouldn't know, honestly. I wasn't raised in society, but from my studies, it seems like sex is a constant weapon that people use to shame one another with one way or another. If you're having too much sex or not enough sex or sex with the wrong people or at the wrong time...
(It's fascinating to him. He sucks down some more of his drink.)
Seems like ya'll suffer one hell of a conflict with one of nature's most basic instincts.
[ He says in that dry disenfranchised teenager way between slurps of his smoothie. It is surprisingly good, tasting like actual fresh berries and not something artificial. At the very least itās distracting him from being entirely cynical. ]
Thankfully I learned not to care what āsocietyā thought. Even if that had to happen in the most brutish way possible. I spent my last year of life doing what I wanted to do. Who knows if I ever would have survived adult life anyway ... I donāt believe in fate, but itās hard to picture myself as an adult.
[ Oh, that first comment hits a mark. Heās instantly ready to be defensive, opening his mouth to argue - but then the second observation stops his protest in his throat.
Initially, heād assumed everyone here was dead. That it was some kind of afterlife for better or for worse. Not quite punishment but not quite a reward, but more colorful and interesting than a purgatory.
But a conversation over the network quickly made him realize that wasnāt the case. Now he wondered what awaited him if he reached that full potential like he was supposed to - what could he do with it with no life to return to?
He nods in response after a minute, looking down at his lap. ]
(Dirk watches Junpei carefully. People had unique relationships with death for all kinds of reasons. What led them to death, what death was in their world, what they lost because of death, or sometimes what they gained.)
That is complicated.
(It's probably the first time since these two have spoken that Dirk drops his bravado entirely. He sounds more his age, more human, and somewhat soft. He touches the edge of the scar around his neck.)
I've died a few times. I'm technically immortal both because of the level in my powers I reached and due to the nature of my abilities. But who knows? Maybe I finally stayed permanently dead and just don't know it.
[ It hadnāt registered with Junpei what that strange neck scar implied. He dismisses the most dramatic conclusion rather quickly - that was impossible to survive, and there were non-fatal reasons one could have a neck scar like that. Maybe an especially tight device around oneās neck, for example. But when Dirk claims to have died multiple times ... ]
Another guy I spoke to said he doesnāt think heās dead. He was alive when he saw a copy of himself made like I did ... but ... if Iām dead, whatās the point of reaching my full potential now? Itās too late, isnāt it? After this place ...
[ His voice grows scared and small as he curls in on himself a little. ]
(It's reasonable of Junpei to question the scar. After all, no one could survive that. Yet Dirk was here. And since arriving, he had been decapitated once again and brought back.
He watches Junpei and maybe the guy didn't like him much but...Dirk lightly lowers his arm around Junpei's shoulders as a silent gesture of potential comfort.)
There is whatever is in this world. You aren't dead here. Mortality is not a fixed state, Junpei. Time isn't either. It won't do you any good to act like there is no hope left just because your typical life is left behind.
(He sighs, setting his drink between his legs.)
You'll move on. Figure a new life. It's not too late at all. Just sounds like you got a second chance, man.
[ Itās true heās uneasy about Dirk, but in this moment he needs the comfort. Thereās the fresh memory of how alone and scared he felt when heād found his motherās body, how suddenly he wasnāt the independent and super mature seventeen year old he fancied himself to be. He was a child who only had his mother, his only true friend in all the world. His rock. Heād clung to Mahito, desperate for comfort. Totally unaware that same person he sought solace from would be the one to end his life.
But still he doesnāt shake Dirk off remembering that. Instead he lets the arm stay while he absorbs his words. Kaneki suggesting he would make friends here resurfaces. Heād dismissed the idea. But ... was it really possible? Could he be happy here? ]
I just ... donāt know how to trust ... who to trust ... I thought I did back home and I was wrong.
[ Oh no, he feels tears welling up. He raises a hand to try and dry them before they fall. He did NOT want to cry in front of Dirk. ]
I - I should go ...
[ He gets up suddenly, feeling much too raw and exposed. ]
[ He really, really shouldnāt lower his walls for Dirk. Shouldnāt let it be like Mahito where a few simple kindnesses convinced him the other was on his side. That it was okay to be vulnerable around him, to let his weak points show.
But, he wonāt resist or try to pull away. He turns to face Dirk, brow furrowed in confusion. ]
Iām not really the athletic type ... so I havenāt given it much thought. I guess doing some things repeatedly is going to make those areas stronger?
(At least Dirk wasn't pretending to be kind. An act of kindness, he felt, did not define his character. He would never refer to himself as kind and he didn't think this was kindness.
It was honesty. When Junpei doesn't pull away, he leans forward and rests his other hand over Junpei's wrist and slides a finger up over the edge of his arm.)
Every time you work out, you get these micro-tears in your muscles. You literally pull your body apart. It's why it's so important to rest properly and not work out extensively every day. It's why you're sore after an intense workout and why athletes are so prone to injury.
(He curls his fingers around Junpei's arm.)
But then when you're less sore, you work out again, and those places heal stronger than they were before. You keep doing this again and again and that's what gives you muscle mass. A lot of pain, a lot of calculated damage that you know you can withstand.
(He lets go of Junpei.)
Life here or life back in your world will hurt. It's your choice if you want to see what you can do with that pain or if you'd rather give up before you really see what can happen.
[ That sliding finger causes a little shiver to run up his spine. He doesnāt know why, and doesnāt get to dwell on it long before heās drawn into Dirkās explanation. Mostly he pays close attention, but there are a few times he catches himself observing Dirk more than what heās saying.
Heās attractive. It only really occurs to him now, now that heās not being infuriating via egotism or lewdness or ... any number of creative ways he could be annoying.
But still an oddball, and definitely likes to hear himself talk, Junpei quietly reminds himself as he refocuses on listening to what the other is actually saying. ]
... I have a lot of things to unlearn. I know that. But ... I wonāt lie to you and pretend I can just throw myself at life here and not overthink. Iāll consider what youāve said. I just ... need some time.
(It's one of those times too where Dirk isn't paying too much attention to how someone might be looking at him. Times where he is lost in things that aren't part of some overcompensating mind game where infuriation is the end goal every time for everyone.)
I understand. It would be unnatural if you could. (Dirk only could because Dirk was always an exception to the rule. He lived a strange life and this Folkmore nonsense was just an extenuating part of it all.)
Take all the time you need. Not like we're going anywhere anytime soon. (Probably.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: cw: child abuse
Heās careful to take his time drinking it, eager for the relief from the heat but not wanting to invite brain freeze. ]
Maybe in some people it might, but I donāt think thatās true for everyone. Sex is over glorified in society.
[ Sex was a frequent enough theme even in horror movies. It was easy to think of a dozen off the top of his head where some young girl was shown barely dressed for no reason other than to titillate. It always made him roll his eyes. ]
Youāre made to think youāre a loser if youāre my age and not having it.
Re: cw: child abuse
Is it over-glorified or simply mishandled in terms of conversations surrounding it? I wouldn't know, honestly. I wasn't raised in society, but from my studies, it seems like sex is a constant weapon that people use to shame one another with one way or another. If you're having too much sex or not enough sex or sex with the wrong people or at the wrong time...
(It's fascinating to him. He sucks down some more of his drink.)
Seems like ya'll suffer one hell of a conflict with one of nature's most basic instincts.
no subject
[ He says in that dry disenfranchised teenager way between slurps of his smoothie. It is surprisingly good, tasting like actual fresh berries and not something artificial. At the very least itās distracting him from being entirely cynical. ]
Thankfully I learned not to care what āsocietyā thought. Even if that had to happen in the most brutish way possible. I spent my last year of life doing what I wanted to do. Who knows if I ever would have survived adult life anyway ... I donāt believe in fate, but itās hard to picture myself as an adult.
no subject
(He leans back onto the bench, resting his arm across the back. He considers what Junpei says and pieces together a relatively basic fact.)
So, you're technically dead. (Not a question. He looks at Junpei with renewed interest.)
no subject
Initially, heād assumed everyone here was dead. That it was some kind of afterlife for better or for worse. Not quite punishment but not quite a reward, but more colorful and interesting than a purgatory.
But a conversation over the network quickly made him realize that wasnāt the case. Now he wondered what awaited him if he reached that full potential like he was supposed to - what could he do with it with no life to return to?
He nods in response after a minute, looking down at his lap. ]
Yeah. I am. I guess youāre not, then.
no subject
That is complicated.
(It's probably the first time since these two have spoken that Dirk drops his bravado entirely. He sounds more his age, more human, and somewhat soft. He touches the edge of the scar around his neck.)
I've died a few times. I'm technically immortal both because of the level in my powers I reached and due to the nature of my abilities. But who knows? Maybe I finally stayed permanently dead and just don't know it.
no subject
Another guy I spoke to said he doesnāt think heās dead. He was alive when he saw a copy of himself made like I did ... but ... if Iām dead, whatās the point of reaching my full potential now? Itās too late, isnāt it? After this place ...
[ His voice grows scared and small as he curls in on himself a little. ]
... what is there left for me?
cw: decapitation
He watches Junpei and maybe the guy didn't like him much but...Dirk lightly lowers his arm around Junpei's shoulders as a silent gesture of potential comfort.)
There is whatever is in this world. You aren't dead here. Mortality is not a fixed state, Junpei. Time isn't either. It won't do you any good to act like there is no hope left just because your typical life is left behind.
(He sighs, setting his drink between his legs.)
You'll move on. Figure a new life. It's not too late at all. Just sounds like you got a second chance, man.
no subject
But still he doesnāt shake Dirk off remembering that. Instead he lets the arm stay while he absorbs his words. Kaneki suggesting he would make friends here resurfaces. Heād dismissed the idea. But ... was it really possible? Could he be happy here? ]
I just ... donāt know how to trust ... who to trust ... I thought I did back home and I was wrong.
[ Oh no, he feels tears welling up. He raises a hand to try and dry them before they fall. He did NOT want to cry in front of Dirk. ]
I - I should go ...
[ He gets up suddenly, feeling much too raw and exposed. ]
no subject
(He sees those tears but doesn't call them out.)
We are all wrong sometimes. We make bad choices because of poor decisions. You can't beat yourself up forever over it or else...
(Ah...He reaches out a quick hand and grabs Junpei's wrist, but his grip is gentle. Firm, but gentle.)
Junpei, do you know how people gain muscles? The science behind it? Humor me for a second before you leave.
no subject
But, he wonāt resist or try to pull away. He turns to face Dirk, brow furrowed in confusion. ]
Iām not really the athletic type ... so I havenāt given it much thought. I guess doing some things repeatedly is going to make those areas stronger?
no subject
It was honesty. When Junpei doesn't pull away, he leans forward and rests his other hand over Junpei's wrist and slides a finger up over the edge of his arm.)
Every time you work out, you get these micro-tears in your muscles. You literally pull your body apart. It's why it's so important to rest properly and not work out extensively every day. It's why you're sore after an intense workout and why athletes are so prone to injury.
(He curls his fingers around Junpei's arm.)
But then when you're less sore, you work out again, and those places heal stronger than they were before. You keep doing this again and again and that's what gives you muscle mass. A lot of pain, a lot of calculated damage that you know you can withstand.
(He lets go of Junpei.)
Life here or life back in your world will hurt. It's your choice if you want to see what you can do with that pain or if you'd rather give up before you really see what can happen.
no subject
Heās attractive. It only really occurs to him now, now that heās not being infuriating via egotism or lewdness or ... any number of creative ways he could be annoying.
But still an oddball, and definitely likes to hear himself talk, Junpei quietly reminds himself as he refocuses on listening to what the other is actually saying. ]
... I have a lot of things to unlearn. I know that. But ... I wonāt lie to you and pretend I can just throw myself at life here and not overthink. Iāll consider what youāve said. I just ... need some time.
no subject
I understand. It would be unnatural if you could. (Dirk only could because Dirk was always an exception to the rule. He lived a strange life and this Folkmore nonsense was just an extenuating part of it all.)
Take all the time you need. Not like we're going anywhere anytime soon. (Probably.)