I dunno, man. It's comforting waking up and seeing you there. I like it. It's hard to not be endeared to that shit. I'll gladly be biased.
I have plenty of space. I have too much fuckin' space. All I've had my entire life is too much space. I kinda like the idea of you encroaching on it. I'm more concerned with me giving you enough space.
[ Kaneki pauses as he reads the text. is he being asked to live together? Possibly? ]
I'm not saying no.
But what I eat is an issue. [ to Kaneki it is. He can't possibly ask Dirk to have dead people in the freezer for him. Or to have blood around. Or ghoul snacks which are, in the end, still human parts. ]
(He is asking that. It's a major thing maybe but also kind of what they were aiming for to begin with, he thinks.
It's unsurprising when Kaneki brings up his concern with his dietary requirements. Dirk keeps their link open so that Kaneki could feel how sincerely unbothered his by this.)
I understand that this is an issue for you. I respect that.
But Ken, you need to eat and I don't want you to feel guilty for that around me. I know you grew up with civilization and the concept that cannibalism is inherently bad. I get that. I understand why.
But I genuinely do not mind. I don't mean that in some cold detached way either. I just come from a place where that sort of thing makes sense to me and doesn't strike me as taboo, okay? When I was growing up, if I had found a dead body, I probably would have saved the meat and eaten it too, regardless of what the meat was.
When you live after the world has ended, you don't get picky with what you eat. It doesn't bother me. I will respect whatever choice you make, but it doesn't bother me if you eat in our home or keep food stocked. I would keep food stocked for you if you let me. I know you see it as a bad thing to be guilty of, but I just see it as necessary for your survival.
Is there any way that we could make this more comfortable for you?
[ they are talking about food and Kaneki just... never talked about it. Because he avoids it, mostly, and because hit's so hard to explain since he is the kind of person he is. Who hates himself at each bite he takes because to him, that means he is not kind. ]
The meat I'm getting comes from spoons. It means no one is being killed for me and I'm not stealing bodies to feed myself. I am aware of that.
But it's still what it is. And
[ there is a long pause before the next text comes. The link remains open, thus Dirk can mostly feel Kaneki struggling with his next words, worried and guilty, all at the same time ]
And it tastes so good. It feels so good. And it shouldn't. It's wrong that it gives me so much pleasure. Sometimes, I even lose control and I just eat nonstop, as if I'm some kind of animal.
Ken...This is part of who you are now. You do not need to hate this part of yourself so much.
It's okay if it brings you pleasure. I know it's hard to imagine this being okay, but you wouldn't shame me for deriving pleasure from eating a good meal, would you? I won't do that to you either.
We are animals. It's okay, Ken. I understand, but. I love every part of you, okay? I want you to feel comfortable around me and I don't want you to feel you have to hide anything.
I can always look away if you really want, but I promise I would never judge you.
I know. It's okay, Ken. We can figure it out together, okay?
Why don't we just work from the ground up? You can maybe drink some blood or something around me or have a snack? Not a whole meal? We can do it while we are watching a movie.
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no subject
I have plenty of space. I have too much fuckin' space. All I've had my entire life is too much space. I kinda like the idea of you encroaching on it. I'm more concerned with me giving you enough space.
I don't want to overwhelm you.
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You don't overwhelm me. And I love my space with you in it. So don't worry, either.
I would love to wake up next to you everyday.
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(Hnnnnnnnnnnnn.)
Okay, cool. You don't overwhelm me at all either.
Well. I mean. Like, you could. If you wanted to. I'd be happy with that arrangement.
no subject
I'm not saying no.
But what I eat is an issue. [ to Kaneki it is. He can't possibly ask Dirk to have dead people in the freezer for him. Or to have blood around. Or ghoul snacks which are, in the end, still human parts. ]
no subject
(He is asking that. It's a major thing maybe but also kind of what they were aiming for to begin with, he thinks.
It's unsurprising when Kaneki brings up his concern with his dietary requirements. Dirk keeps their link open so that Kaneki could feel how sincerely unbothered his by this.)
I understand that this is an issue for you. I respect that.
But Ken, you need to eat and I don't want you to feel guilty for that around me. I know you grew up with civilization and the concept that cannibalism is inherently bad. I get that. I understand why.
But I genuinely do not mind. I don't mean that in some cold detached way either. I just come from a place where that sort of thing makes sense to me and doesn't strike me as taboo, okay? When I was growing up, if I had found a dead body, I probably would have saved the meat and eaten it too, regardless of what the meat was.
When you live after the world has ended, you don't get picky with what you eat. It doesn't bother me. I will respect whatever choice you make, but it doesn't bother me if you eat in our home or keep food stocked. I would keep food stocked for you if you let me. I know you see it as a bad thing to be guilty of, but I just see it as necessary for your survival.
Is there any way that we could make this more comfortable for you?
no subject
The meat I'm getting comes from spoons. It means no one is being killed for me and I'm not stealing bodies to feed myself. I am aware of that.
But it's still what it is. And
[ there is a long pause before the next text comes. The link remains open, thus Dirk can mostly feel Kaneki struggling with his next words, worried and guilty, all at the same time ]
And it tastes so good. It feels so good.
And it shouldn't. It's wrong that it gives me so much pleasure.
Sometimes, I even lose control and I just eat nonstop, as if I'm some kind of animal.
I don't want you to see me like that.
no subject
It's okay if it brings you pleasure. I know it's hard to imagine this being okay, but you wouldn't shame me for deriving pleasure from eating a good meal, would you? I won't do that to you either.
We are animals. It's okay, Ken. I understand, but. I love every part of you, okay? I want you to feel comfortable around me and I don't want you to feel you have to hide anything.
I can always look away if you really want, but I promise I would never judge you.
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I know you won't judge me and I know you won't be mad or grossed out. I know you don't hate what I am.
It's so scary though. To show you this part of myself.
I'm not sure how to even do it.
no subject
Why don't we just work from the ground up? You can maybe drink some blood or something around me or have a snack? Not a whole meal? We can do it while we are watching a movie.
no subject
Okay. We can try that, then. Just a little at a time.
no subject
And hey, if you can't eat in front of me, that's cool. But I still want you to be able to store your food at the ranch. I can make you a cellar.
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I have a freezer at my house, we can bring it in.