well thats kind of the crux of it is that it was john that confessed his true and honest feelings to me and i kind of fumbled awkwardly around and gave him a shitty noncommital response and now i know its bothering him but i dont really know how to bring that decomposing conversation back to life without making it worse because i know john is special to karkat too and i know he is the most empathetic creature alive and this mess would be absolutely killing him if he was here but i feel like im stuck in pause mode because i want to have a conversation i cant have with a guy whose not here
but i do like john like like john which is really fucking corny but i love karkat and while im being corny i might as well say i feel like he completes me and i feel like as a unit we would be able to figure this out but without karkat here i just feel like one of those shitty little puppets with the ball stuck to their nose that just flop around like an asshole and john deserves better than that so the proper thing to do would to be like sorry man its not on the cards and hope he doesnt hate my guts but weirdly that doesnt actually feel like the right thing because like you said pretending i dont actually feel kind of the same feels dishonest too and it feels like it would be worse when we could be happy too
does any of that make sense or do i just sound like more of an asshole
I want to emphasize again how unqualified I am to discuss matters of the heart, especially in the realm of poly and potential not!cheating. I almost killed a chick once out of jealousy, so. I can't exactly see how this will work in your favor, not gonna lie.
No offense to John, seriously, but you literally are in a relationship. It's nice and all that John confessed, but what did he really expect would happen? That you would go, "Wow, John. Yeah, dog, I'm gonna throw my long-term relationship out the window and leap into your arms! Who cares about boundaries when true love exists!"
The dude had to know there wasn't going to be a clean-cut response from you here. At least not right away. He's not a moron.
My point is that you shouldn't be that mad at yourself about it. Or feel like you handled it poorly. Although I do agree you should give him a direct answer sooner than later.
Like I said before, if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to accept the fact that there is a possibility Karkat arrives and that he might be hurt by this, and that you may theoretically lose that relationship. That is the worst-case scenario. And that's something you need to be willing to accept. It would be fucking dumb to ignore it.
In the best-case scenario, Karkat reveals some weird long-term hidden crush he has had on John this whole time too that he never talked to you about for whatever reason, and ya'll bone each other. Mid-case scenario is that he's busted up about it, but understands and lets ya'll keep dating too. Who knows? Maybe you'll wind up with two boyfriends for the price of one.
You sound like an asshole, but an understandable asshole. If you like John, those feelings won't go away anytime soon. I do not believe I can give you any answer that will make you feel good about this situation because no matter what you pick, you will feel like you're fucking over a guy you love. Unfortunately.
If you pick John, you fuck over Karkat. If you pick Karkat, you fuck over John. If you pick neither, you fuck over both of them and yourself. And picking both isn't a clean-cut option because Karkat isn't here to consent to that.
One tip is to tell John that you do like him in return, that you would like to date him, but put it on the table very firmly that you still consider yourself to be in a relationship with Karkat and that if Karkat were to show up, that you all collectively would have to figure something out. John has to be okay with that. Otherwise, it ain't fair to John, it ain't fair to you, and it ain't fair to Karkat. In my unprofessional opinion, that's your best bet.
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is that it was john that confessed his true and honest feelings to me and i kind of fumbled awkwardly around and gave him a shitty noncommital response and now i know its bothering him but i dont really know how to bring that decomposing conversation back to life without making it worse
because i know john is special to karkat too
and i know he is the most empathetic creature alive and this mess would be absolutely killing him if he was here
but i feel like im stuck in pause mode because i want to have a conversation i cant have with a guy whose not here
but i do like john
like like john
which is really fucking corny but
i love karkat and while im being corny i might as well say i feel like he completes me and i feel like as a unit we would be able to figure this out but without karkat here i just feel like one of those shitty little puppets with the ball stuck to their nose that just flop around like an asshole
and john deserves better than that
so the proper thing to do would to be like sorry man its not on the cards and hope he doesnt hate my guts
but weirdly that doesnt actually feel like the right thing because like you said pretending i dont actually feel kind of the same feels dishonest too and it feels like it would be worse when we could be happy too
does any of that make sense or do i just sound like more of an asshole
no subject
No offense to John, seriously, but you literally are in a relationship. It's nice and all that John confessed, but what did he really expect would happen? That you would go, "Wow, John. Yeah, dog, I'm gonna throw my long-term relationship out the window and leap into your arms! Who cares about boundaries when true love exists!"
The dude had to know there wasn't going to be a clean-cut response from you here. At least not right away. He's not a moron.
My point is that you shouldn't be that mad at yourself about it. Or feel like you handled it poorly. Although I do agree you should give him a direct answer sooner than later.
Like I said before, if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to accept the fact that there is a possibility Karkat arrives and that he might be hurt by this, and that you may theoretically lose that relationship. That is the worst-case scenario. And that's something you need to be willing to accept. It would be fucking dumb to ignore it.
In the best-case scenario, Karkat reveals some weird long-term hidden crush he has had on John this whole time too that he never talked to you about for whatever reason, and ya'll bone each other. Mid-case scenario is that he's busted up about it, but understands and lets ya'll keep dating too. Who knows? Maybe you'll wind up with two boyfriends for the price of one.
You sound like an asshole, but an understandable asshole. If you like John, those feelings won't go away anytime soon. I do not believe I can give you any answer that will make you feel good about this situation because no matter what you pick, you will feel like you're fucking over a guy you love. Unfortunately.
If you pick John, you fuck over Karkat. If you pick Karkat, you fuck over John. If you pick neither, you fuck over both of them and yourself. And picking both isn't a clean-cut option because Karkat isn't here to consent to that.
One tip is to tell John that you do like him in return, that you would like to date him, but put it on the table very firmly that you still consider yourself to be in a relationship with Karkat and that if Karkat were to show up, that you all collectively would have to figure something out. John has to be okay with that. Otherwise, it ain't fair to John, it ain't fair to you, and it ain't fair to Karkat. In my unprofessional opinion, that's your best bet.