I want to emphasize again how unqualified I am to discuss matters of the heart, especially in the realm of poly and potential not!cheating. I almost killed a chick once out of jealousy, so. I can't exactly see how this will work in your favor, not gonna lie.
No offense to John, seriously, but you literally are in a relationship. It's nice and all that John confessed, but what did he really expect would happen? That you would go, "Wow, John. Yeah, dog, I'm gonna throw my long-term relationship out the window and leap into your arms! Who cares about boundaries when true love exists!"
The dude had to know there wasn't going to be a clean-cut response from you here. At least not right away. He's not a moron.
My point is that you shouldn't be that mad at yourself about it. Or feel like you handled it poorly. Although I do agree you should give him a direct answer sooner than later.
Like I said before, if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to accept the fact that there is a possibility Karkat arrives and that he might be hurt by this, and that you may theoretically lose that relationship. That is the worst-case scenario. And that's something you need to be willing to accept. It would be fucking dumb to ignore it.
In the best-case scenario, Karkat reveals some weird long-term hidden crush he has had on John this whole time too that he never talked to you about for whatever reason, and ya'll bone each other. Mid-case scenario is that he's busted up about it, but understands and lets ya'll keep dating too. Who knows? Maybe you'll wind up with two boyfriends for the price of one.
You sound like an asshole, but an understandable asshole. If you like John, those feelings won't go away anytime soon. I do not believe I can give you any answer that will make you feel good about this situation because no matter what you pick, you will feel like you're fucking over a guy you love. Unfortunately.
If you pick John, you fuck over Karkat. If you pick Karkat, you fuck over John. If you pick neither, you fuck over both of them and yourself. And picking both isn't a clean-cut option because Karkat isn't here to consent to that.
One tip is to tell John that you do like him in return, that you would like to date him, but put it on the table very firmly that you still consider yourself to be in a relationship with Karkat and that if Karkat were to show up, that you all collectively would have to figure something out. John has to be okay with that. Otherwise, it ain't fair to John, it ain't fair to you, and it ain't fair to Karkat. In my unprofessional opinion, that's your best bet.
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No offense to John, seriously, but you literally are in a relationship. It's nice and all that John confessed, but what did he really expect would happen? That you would go, "Wow, John. Yeah, dog, I'm gonna throw my long-term relationship out the window and leap into your arms! Who cares about boundaries when true love exists!"
The dude had to know there wasn't going to be a clean-cut response from you here. At least not right away. He's not a moron.
My point is that you shouldn't be that mad at yourself about it. Or feel like you handled it poorly. Although I do agree you should give him a direct answer sooner than later.
Like I said before, if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to accept the fact that there is a possibility Karkat arrives and that he might be hurt by this, and that you may theoretically lose that relationship. That is the worst-case scenario. And that's something you need to be willing to accept. It would be fucking dumb to ignore it.
In the best-case scenario, Karkat reveals some weird long-term hidden crush he has had on John this whole time too that he never talked to you about for whatever reason, and ya'll bone each other. Mid-case scenario is that he's busted up about it, but understands and lets ya'll keep dating too. Who knows? Maybe you'll wind up with two boyfriends for the price of one.
You sound like an asshole, but an understandable asshole. If you like John, those feelings won't go away anytime soon. I do not believe I can give you any answer that will make you feel good about this situation because no matter what you pick, you will feel like you're fucking over a guy you love. Unfortunately.
If you pick John, you fuck over Karkat. If you pick Karkat, you fuck over John. If you pick neither, you fuck over both of them and yourself. And picking both isn't a clean-cut option because Karkat isn't here to consent to that.
One tip is to tell John that you do like him in return, that you would like to date him, but put it on the table very firmly that you still consider yourself to be in a relationship with Karkat and that if Karkat were to show up, that you all collectively would have to figure something out. John has to be okay with that. Otherwise, it ain't fair to John, it ain't fair to you, and it ain't fair to Karkat. In my unprofessional opinion, that's your best bet.