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[givehead]

MEMES ✦ PSLS ✦ SPILL OVER

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[givehead]

(The thing is, he kind of believes Kyle. Kyle was too genuine of a guy. Still, something makes him hesitate. He refused to call it nerves.)

Do you believe in things like time travel?

Yeah? I've never really been sick. (Which happens in total isolation, but you know.) What's it like being sick?

[kyley_b]

[Kyle hums thoughtfully.] Y-eeeeees... Is this about the job market?

It sucks. I still get sick more than I should, probably, even though I use hand sanitizer all the fucking time... Anyway. If you have a cold or something you feel tired and your body aches and you're all snotty.

When I was little I got real sick and almost died once. That was just like having no energy at all. Like sitting up was hard, and I'd sweat and my heart felt irregular and I couldn't see very well sometimes. So. Yeah.

Not that that has anything to do with dicks, that's I guess from other stuff.

[givehead]

...What.

(Kyle, what even was that conclusion.)

That sounds vile. (And totally lame. Especially the dying part.)

No, it makes sense though. You were forced to be made aware of how vulnerable your body was at an impressionable age. I remember the first time I bled I was just confused by what I was looking at. I literally figured I was a robot so I was like, what the fuck kind of oil is this?

(Which probably sounded completely insane but kids were idiots.)

Bodily autonomy is weird.

[kyley_b]

The job market. Is this about time travel because the future has no jobs?

[Kyle seems so NORMAL until he busts out shit like that.]

Did you really? And were you hurt very badly?

Uhm. So. I had HIV.

[givehead]

...No, Kyle. It has literally nothing to do with the job market.

(He's kind of laughing because that is without a doubt the wildest theory he's ever had tossed at him the moment he has mentioned time traveling.)

Yeah. And no, it was just a normal injury from a sword. (Which isn't normal, to begin with but whatever!)

Okay.

(It takes Dirk a second to process that. And then. Oh.)

Oh. (Okay. Yeah. He knows what this is.) Are you okay?

[kyley_b]

Oh. Okay. Just wondering if that got fixed.

[And a normal person might know that! But Kyle is no stranger to fun with weapons.]

Yeah, I got cured. But moreso, like... I was infected deliberately by someone without my knowledge. And I once had two people sewn to me. And my body was taken over by sentient microorganisms. And... well. Anyway. I get a little nervous about body stuff, is what I'm saying.

This conversation really went off the rails, I'm sorry.

[givehead]

(That is a lot. That's enough that after a few minutes of silence, Dirk decides it actually might be worth telling Kyle the truth.)

I was put on this plant on December 3rd, 2409. I'm talking to you from the future after the world was taken over by aliens. The job market doesn't really exist because humans don't exist anymore and I'm the only human male left.

(There we go. Ice breaker. He clears his throat.)

So, clearly, we both have had some weird experiences. I'm uh. Glad you don't have two people sewn to you anymore.

It's fine. It's important stuff to know.

[kyley_b]

How are you talking to me?

[Kyle sounds a little skeptical, but not nearly as much as you'd expect. Mostly he sounds curious.]

Wait, so if you're the only human male left are you a virgin? [Yeah Kyle, THAT'S the important thing?!]

Thanks. ...it was a human centipede thing. I, uh. Was the middle piece.

[givehead]

I'm a robotics genius from the future with superior alien tech everywhere. I made a replica of my own brain when I was like 13.

(Dirk has no real idea how to prove it beyond sending Kyle pictures but those could be easily altered.

Dirk is dead quiet when Kyle asks that question. For the first time in his life, he feels a sense of embarrassment about his own sexuality.)

Virginity is a derogatory construct. (Yes. Provide a pretentious, philosophical answer instead. Good approach.)

Oh my fucking God. So you have eaten human feces before? (They are both out here asking the important questions.)

[kyley_b]

Huh. Okay. That's cool. Uh, not the apocalypse stuff, or you being alone. The brain and robot shit.

I'm glad anime from like the 2010s survived I guess?

[You can hear the smile in his voice when Kyle speaks again.] Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. It's cool, though.

[SIGH. His oen fault, but he wanted to reveal something embarrassing so Dirk wouldn't feel bad.]

Against my will, but yes.

[givehead]

What they say about the internet is true. Even the apocalypse can't destroy your nudes from 2009. The internet is immortal.

(Dirk scoffs.)

Shut up, Broflovski. I have fucked myself more thoroughly than any guy ever could.

(Thanks!!!)

I will try to keep any shit-eating jokes to a bare minimum.

[kyley_b]

That's a horrifying thought, nobody needs my nudes.

I wasn't being sarcastic! Dude I didn't get laid until college and it's mostly been unimpressive, so, yeah you probably have.

I appreciate that.

[givehead]

I meeeean. I need your nudes. I'm so lonely, Kyle. (He says it like a joke, but it's partially serious.)

Oh, I definitely have. I have a whole robot for it and everything. I don't really feel like a virgin.

[kyley_b]

Yeah. I guess you must be. [He sounds sad.

But.]

You built a fuck machine?!

[givehead]

(He is so not going to confirm or deny that.

But for the fuck machine...)

Dude, obviously.

[kyley_b]

Huh.

[Why the long silence, Kyle? Thinking about it?

He coughs lightly.] Okay! Uhm. Next episode?

[givehead]

(Dirk snickers quietly, having a good feeling about what that silence meant.)

Sure thing, darlin'.

[kyley_b]

Cool.

[He falls quiet as they watch for the most part, getting sucked into the story in spite of himself.]

Okay, this really doesn't suck.

[givehead]

I fuckin' told you, man.

(Always get them hooked by episode 3. Dirk gets invested himself as he always manages to whenever he rewatches this show.

He doesn't cry. He never cries. But his chest does sure start to clench.)

Do you think there are people who don't fall in love with their best friend?

[kyley_b]

[Kyle sighs so deeply it's almost comical.]

Gotta be, but I did a little so I can't talk.

[givehead]

Same. Maybe it's a queer person curse.

(He sometimes actually believed that.)

[kyley_b]

I think it might be, because like... they're the one person you feel most comfortable around.

If you're all alone, was it an online thing?

[givehead]

Probably. Or it's just because you imprint on them.

(Dirk preferred to psychoanalyze everything.)

Yeah. All my things are online things.

[kyley_b]

Yeah, that too. Was yours cute?

Hey, that's not any less valid.

[givehead]

He was incredibly hot. He was like a genderbent Lara Croft if that puts any idea in your head.

(He sighs slightly.)

But he wasn't smart like Lara Croft. Not a bad dude, just dense as fuck.

I guess. It just isn't the kind of long-distance most dudes are interested in.