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[givehead]

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ANTI-DIRK OPTION

Dirk has set up a new autoresponder option known as Anti-Dirk. Anti-Dirk will speak on Dirk's behalf if Dirk is preoccupied elsewhere. Please clarify in your header if you would like to have Anti-Dirk respond to your character. This will provide a more candid interaction with Dirk. They will automatically get the following response to begin a conversation:

Hello. It seems you are trying to reach Dirk Strider. If you would like to get a quick idea of what he would say, I would be happy to help. I am ANTI-DIRK and will be able to provide answers based on his subconscious patterns of speech and emotions. How can I help you today?

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[givehead]

(It's just as comforting to Dirk. Music always had been a constant in his life. He watches K play for a moment, simply admiring the man, both in his looks and his skill. There's a dull flutter in his chest and he nearly feels boyish and nervous when K looks up at him again, like he might be caught in his longing.)

Yes. (A soft response. Dirk still felt bad about the Red as well, but it was a mistake and he hoped to prove himself to K as time went on. He begins to mix a bit of a beat to K's piano playing, going with some sax and an 8-Bit underscore.

He's glad to have the distraction when K asks. He shrugs, focusing on the music rather than looking at K.)

Do I strike you as either of those things?

(A question with a question. But he was curious to hear what K thought first on the subject. Mostly because he had tried to be more emotionally available for this conversation, and he idly wondered if he had succeeded.)

[obeir]

I think you have been with me. The very first conversation we had, you said you'd like to continue talking with me. You followed through on it.

[ It's why K has felt comfortable opening up to him even without the Paleblood influence compelling him.

How Dirk had originally treated Kyle is another matter entirely, though Kyle insisted they'd worked it out and things were fine now. Fine enough for him to commission sex toys from Dirk, anyway. It may not be the right time to bring that up — the treatment of Kyle, not the sex toys — but K does think about it.

A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he watches Dirk work now. ] Or are you going to claim you were only hoping to sleep with me at first? Or maybe hoped to get inside me in another way, and play roboticist. [ He's pretty sure they both felt some kind of connection from the beginning. A kinship. Mutual curiosity. ] Back to your question: I also recognise the effort you're making right now.

[ Being willing to communicate and actually listening, talking about his feelings, expressing remorse for the incident at the Red. Even the effort Dirk's making with the music shows he's present and engaged, not just going through the motions to humour him. ]

[givehead]

(Dirk doesn't expect the relief he feels when K tells him that he feels that way. It's somehow better than knowing he wasn't being delusional about this connection. He thinks back on another conversation with Kyle, where he had admitted that all he really cared about was making sure he treated K decently. As much as Dirk was capable of anyway.

The question gets a snort from Dirk, and he winds up grinning, shaking his head.)

The first conversation intrigued me. I'll admit the second conversation made me think you're pretty sexy. Then we met in person and it was game over. I was like, oh, fuck, I need this dude to dom me now. (He folds his hands together and rests his chin on top, letting the beat he created play on its own.)

Surprisingly, I haven't fantasized too much about working with your insides. I figure if you want to share that with me, you will when you're ready. (He peers over the edge of his glasses, and this time, he manages to maintain some eye contact, his orange eyes unblinking and steady for a moment.)

I am curious about you in that regard. But the more I talk to you, the more I believe I'm answering my own questions. (He lifts his head up, breaking any eye contact. There's some slight burn of embarrassment at his effort being recognized. He's not used to positive reinforcement about things like this. He mulls it over and puts his hands back down to fiddle with his Omni and start mixing a new beat.)

Okay. Then to answers yours...I prefer problem-solving over sentimentality most days. People want to talk about their problems and feel listened to, but I typically want to try and fix their problems. I understand most people need the former. (He fidgets. When he's done mixing with the music, he absently picks up a nearby robotic part, some hunk of metal, and begins fidgeting with that instead, twisting screws and tugging it apart before putting it back together in a new shape.)

I don't believe it's an inaccurate assessment of my personality to say that I'm a bit frigid. You know how I grew up. It wasn't until I began to regularly talk to my friends online that I started to fully comprehend the severity of words. I bury most things I'm thinking or feeling in layers of ironic metaphors or hypersexualized bravado. I can be a massive asshole and I like to play mind games and make it difficult for people to get to know me. I practically get off on that shit.

(A beat. He looks up at K.) Usually.

(Because he hasn't really done that with K.)

[obeir]

[ Problem-solving over sentimentality. If that isn't familiar. It had been the root of several conflicts with TB, but K thinks better of saying as much. Even the ring he gave K is designed to monitor android-relevant vitals when worn — of course it had to serve a practical function, too. The loss of the technology god has also meant losing the only person who tended to the aspects of his maintenance and health that he can't do himself.

What Dirk says makes him wonder... but it'd be entirely too much to ask of him right now. Especially when K worries being a science project to Dirk might ultimately convince him that he's better off pursing something with another human, or at least a real person, rather than investing any emotion in something artificial like K. Problem-solving over sentimentality. What if Dirk reaches that conclusion regardless?...

The surprising sight of Dirk without his glasses before and how extremely uncomfortable he had seemed has spurred K's curiosity, and it makes the eye contact now feel more significant somehow, as brief as it is. It's something he wants to ask about but isn't sure whether it'd be appropriate right now; he's trying to tread carefully.

But watching him fidget makes K wish he could reach out and take Dirk's hands in his. Offer some kind of comfort. Physical connection. Something. ]

I may have noticed what you're describing in your interactions with other people. [ He acknowledges with a gentle note of humour in his tone. The underlying question being, what makes him different, or more deserving of better treatment? ] Ult Dirk showed me one of your memories with Dave. A transcript? About a "lightning round". I hope you don't mind that I read it. A lot of the context was lost on me, but I thought it was a good memory.

[ Getting to see that side of Dirk. Knowing that there's more to him than what he presents to most people. ]

[givehead]

(Ironically enough, Dirk had already been allowed to help take care of Anna's specific android needs. It had taken her some time to allow him to do as much, and it had been an interesting experience for both of them, but all it had done was make Dirk appreciate her even more. Part of him wanted to offer the assistance to K just the same, but he didn't want to overstep.

Dirk would likely wind up just becoming more enamored with K. Though he would understand the anxiety. If their positions were swapped and he had to have K crack open his body or his mind, he'd feel similarly nervous about K deciding this wasn't what he wanted.

Falling for someone had its risks.

It would have been nice to feel those hands. Soothe some nervous energy.

He laughs without humor, feeling only a prickle of embarrassment.)

Yet you still tolerate me. (He teases back, vibing with K's own sense of humor. The humor flickers quickly away when he hears that Ult Dirk had shown one of his memories. His nose crinkles up and he feels a hot flash of panic and anger. Not at K, but himself. Of course he fucking would. That asshole. But he forces himself to relax, not wanting K to think he was upset with him.)

I don't mind that you read it. I'm kind of pissed at myself, but that's not fuckin' new. I always pull this shit with myself. (He's so exasperated. He sighs, knowing what K was talking about, and after a moment, he softens. Might not be a smile, but the defensive feeling is gone.)

Yeah. It was my first time ever talking to my bro. His first time getting to talk to a less shitty version of me. (His voice is quiet, distantly fond. He missed Dave.)

It was a good memory. (He fidgets more with his robotic part.) I was nervous. I thought I'd be a huge letdown. But all he did was hug me and ask for advice. I never thought I'd get to have that with my brother.

(There's an actual wobble of ...emotion in his voice? His shoulders shrug up towards his ears and he looks meek? Maybe?)

We come from a weird fuckin' world, so yeah, a lot of the context probably was bizarre. The lightning round was a good conversation. It worked well for us. To the point. I think he really needed it. (Dirk felt he had needed it too.)

We could... Always try that sometime if you wanted.

[obeir]

[ Oh, no. So the memory sharing was probably one of those emotional minefield sort of topics that he's been trying to avoid. But... he'd wanted to be honest about reading it, so he doesn't regret bringing it up. And at least Dirk doesn't seem upset with him.

As Dirk goes into more detail about the encounter, K's playing gradually trails off until he finally just leans forward over the keyboard and crosses his arms on top of the piano, then rests his chin on them. He watches Dirk on the Omni, happy to listen. ]

I'm glad you got to have that moment with him. [ And he's thinking Ult Dirk must have known what he was doing in choosing that exact memory to share with him.

Perhaps if you manipulate a conversation to imply it is for your own growth, he may more easily open up.

Only no manipulation had been required. Honesty did the trick, this time. The offer is met with a smile. ] I'd be game. It seems like an interesting concept.

[ He watches Dirk for several more moments in silence, thinking. Maybe it is a good time to ask. Not as part of a lightning round, but just because he'd like to know. ]

Can I ask about the significance of your glasses? I thought they were just your... thing, something you like to wear all the time. [ Until today, when Dirk took them off for him and he'd realised: ] They're more than that.

[givehead]

Me too. (Ult Dirk could have shared worse memories. If it had been something more sensitive like how he had broken up with Jake? Dirk would have been fucking mortified. He does at least appreciate K's honesty in the long run. Especially with something that could have been easily lied about.

K was good at listening. Dirk had noticed before, but he was picking up on it more than ever. This wasn't really stuff Dirk tended to share, but, well. Apparently, there were more effective methods in achieving that than anticipated.

Dimly, Dirk realizes it might be because no one really ever asked him anything too seriously. It didn't help that Dirk had always been closed off and had spent years deflecting any attempts at getting to know him. He's quiet when K asks, though he doesn't seem surprised by the question. That one he has heard plenty before, so he responds with his usual:)

They're ironic. (Which was so stupid. Such bullshit. He leans back in his chair and adjusts said glasses. But it's clear he's actually working up to a more honest answer.)

A few reasons, I suppose. Practicality for one. It's bright as fuck in the smack dab of the ocean. I've got sensitive eyes. For another, they are cool as shit. Kamina was such a badass to me when I was growing up. I thought his shades were cool as hell. (Another simpler reason.)

Then I got older and I guess I realized how much control they gave me over a social situation. I realized how people depended on reading someone's eyes to know their next move in a fight or in a conversation. It makes it harder for people to keep up with you, to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling.

(So, basically. A security blanket.)

And eventually, they became part of me. Literally. I made a copy of my own brain and uploaded them into my glasses. Which was fuckin' dumb in the long run. Making an AI of yourself is a stupid choice. (But then as he's looking at the camera, the center of his glasses light up with two bright red circles.)

So, naturally, I did it again. Only this time I put a bit more sway over the creation and put my actual soul into it. (Literally. A few moments later, a text appeared on K's screen:)

Hi! I'm ANTI-Dirk!

(Dirk shakes his head and touches the side of his glasses. They go dark again.)

Sometimes I go on autopilot and I need a part of me to be around to make sure I can be contacted when shit hits the fan.

[obeir]

[ Ironic, practical, and inspired by anime. A way of maintaining control of a situation. Not surprising reasons, considering this is Dirk (and the information about him having sensitive eyes is carefully noted and filed away), but K can still sense there's something more to the glasses and why Dirk always keeps them on.

And he's right.

"Making an AI of yourself is a stupid choice."

Even when you are an AI, yourself? he wants to tease, but he's more interested in hearing the rest of Dirk's explanation. He doesn't interrupt.

The red circles — he realises he'd seen those before, briefly. Surprise registers on his face as his eyes shift from Dirk to the text that pops up on his screen, and then it all clicks. Dirk must have been communicating with his AI self, Anti-Dirk, before. ]

Clever. [ He's smiling as he opts to reply to the text, sending back: It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm K. Because of course he's going to be polite with Anti-Dirk. AI solidarity and all. ]

I noticed the lights, back at the Red. I wondered what that was about. You were communicating with him? Can he operate completely independently of you?

[ Maintaining control of a situation... He can't help being reminded of how concealing one's eyes relates to himself and his own kind. Eyes that can easily be scanned to confirm their identities, and bring up their entire recorded histories and service records. It's resulted in countless death sentences for his kind. Some of which he'd been ordered to carry out himself, something he isn't proud of. ]

When my kind are retired — the human-coined term for killing us — our eyes are usually what's provided as proof of retirement. [ It's a quiet, solemn explanation. ] It's where our external serial numbers are. [ And before Dirk might think to try and look for K's, he adds: ] On the underside.

[givehead]

(Dirk feels a flush of pride and satisfaction at K finding him clever. Compliments about his looks slid off Dirk's back, but compliments to his work? To his mind? That made him feel inflated and important in a way his looks never would. Even if he was massively shallow.

The greeting to his AI makes Dirk grin. He knows Anti-Dirk is grinning too because they were one and the same, and there's a comfortable overlap of both sides of the souls feeling equally flattered by K. Dirk says 'thank you' almost the exact same time as Anti-Dirk sends over several smiley emotes.)

He functions through my subconscious, so, yes. He was designed with the purpose of replicating certain thoughts and feelings I typically have and processing them to create an organic conversational experience. (Dirk, holy shit, cool it with talking like the world's biggest nerd.)

He's both designed as an AI as much as he is a vessel for part of my soul. The end result is satisfying, I think. My dream self floats around here all the time, so I'm trying to maintain both halves of myself and figured Anti-Dirk would help with some of the delays. I'm kinda notorious for uh...What did my friends call it...

(It had been a while.)

I "zombie the fuck out" or whatever where I just kind of leave my mind and go to another, so the one me is just sort of staring off into space and not really with it. (Which he has done a few times around K now.) I've been trying to get better at it, but operating multiple bodies is a bitch.

(Oh. Dirk leans forward, as if he would really be able to see anything about K's eyes. It's grim, but he can understand the functionality.)

Why would your kind be retired? (...Wait.) That was insensitive of me to ask. Sorry. You don't have to answer. It just seems like...

(He stares at K, frowning.)

A waste.