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[givehead]

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ANTI-DIRK OPTION

Dirk has set up a new autoresponder option known as Anti-Dirk. Anti-Dirk will speak on Dirk's behalf if Dirk is preoccupied elsewhere. Please clarify in your header if you would like to have Anti-Dirk respond to your character. This will provide a more candid interaction with Dirk. They will automatically get the following response to begin a conversation:

Hello. It seems you are trying to reach Dirk Strider. If you would like to get a quick idea of what he would say, I would be happy to help. I am ANTI-DIRK and will be able to provide answers based on his subconscious patterns of speech and emotions. How can I help you today?

Comments

Delivery; Several Days After Their Conversation

[lightthedarkness]

[While Usagi has absolutely NO idea where Dirk is staying, she DOES know that the Omens are gonna Omen and are able to do what they do best so she sends a bright orange birthday present with her margay, Lua.

When he opens it, there will be a little card. Inside the gift, as promised is a jacket with orange accents. It being December, snowing, and leather is really what made it easy as hell to get right now.

The card reads:]

Happy birthday, Dirk-san!

Hope this helps keep you warm during the winter!

Sincerely,
Usagi Tsukino

yessssssss

[givehead]

(He wasn't actually expecting an actual jacket, but when he gets it, he is positively delighted. It's perfect to his style and he instantly puts it on, flaunting around in front of a mirror for almost an hour.

Once he gets over peacocking, he immediately texts her:)

Girl, this is the coolest thing anyone has made me in a real long time. It's perfect. Thank you.

Your omen is really cute too BTW.

I will make you something too. I know your patron colors, but do you need anything in particular? Like anything a lot? Give me the deets.

[lightthedarkness]

Awww yay! I'm glad you like it! I didn't know what size to get you so I hope it's not too big or too small! I'll give you the name of the seamstress, she's AMAZING with leather, I've like, ten leather rose hairpieces from her and two bags and a jacket. Just a complete artist with leather, I'm telling you.

And thank you, her name is Lua! She's a margay, which I have no idea EXACTLY what any of that means other than she's a wild cat from like, the rainforest.

Well, I never say no to a nice cute dress!

[givehead]

It fits like a glove. I love leather. Never had much access to it back in my home. I'd appreciate that.

She's a really sweetie. I've got a seagull named Atlas. He'll be flying around.

Cute dress for a cute gal. I can do that. I'll hook you up. I got a few ideas rolling around I'll draft up to get to someone in the market.

[lightthedarkness]

EEEeeeeee! I'm so glad! And I will absolutely introduce you to her. She deserves all the business! OH! If you want her to like you instantly, bring her shells for trade. She's terrified of the water so she can never bring herself to the beach to collect them. So I bring them to her! And boom! Rose hairclip in return. I've got the entire rainbow, black, white, and glitter. [Because that's obviously its own color for Usagi.]

Aww cute! And she is! She can purr too, which it's just so freaking adorable. Her name means moon in Portuguese, actually! Which is perfect for a moony bunny like me. The only way I could be happier is if I had Lua and Luna, my kitty from back home.

Well! If you need some help with THAT, don't hesitate to call, shopping is my fourth favorite hobby after eating, sleeping, and video games. But I'm so good at it more than a few people have recommended I be a personal shopper for people.

Christmas Delivery

[lightthedarkness]

[Wrapped up in a bright red and white box is a plate of bought snowflake cookies and a orange bracelet that's handmade.

Attached is a note with a little rabbit doodle:]

Happy Holidays!
Love,
Usagi

Re: Christmas Delivery

[givehead]

(Yeah, okay, so he would absolutely die for this chick and he's barely known her for more than a month. The brace is immediately put on - where it was going to remain indefinitely.

A few days after Christmas (because frankly, Dirk barely understands Christmas or holidays in general) Dirk sends his own gift. His comes in a box with pink and white wrapping paper.

Inside is a handmade incense holder with a small lunar orb at its core. Both a perfect night light and an aid against corruption. There is also a pair of pink ear muffs. The final gift is a dress he had promised a while back. A simple note is attached:)

Thanks for the gifts, Bunny. The cookies were bitching and someone would have to kill me to get this bracelet off of me.

Hope these match your aesthetic.

<3 Dirk

Christmas Delivery

[lightthedarkness]

Awww I'm so glad you like it, Dirk-kun! I made it myself, actually! Not the cookies though, still can't bake those. They're good though, right? I bought out the whole store.

Wanna know the best part, about the bracelet, I mean?

The stone? It's doused in incense oil, if you need it as emergency incense, just throw it into a fire, but the stone won't even be affected. You can put it in incense oil as often as you want to make it an emergency supply again.

And I ADORE EVERYTHING you made me, Dirk-kun! I absolutely will use ALL of it.

text; un: doublehedgedsword; early January

[laminae]

[Fern isn't sure about sending this message. He's pretty sure he's going to sound crazy, and maybe he is a little. At this point he's absolutely desperate to try anything that might help Varian, no matter how ridiculous the idea.

If there's anyone here who could help him it'd be another god.]

hey dog i got a question for you
a god-related question
feel free to say no to it

text

[givehead]

Sup, bro?
I'm always down for cosmic and god-related questions. What's happening?

(Color him immediately intrigued. He's getting restless here.)

[laminae]

ok so
would you maybe be down for hunting down one of those Patron Pthumerians?
Varian's Patron Pthumerian?
he'skind of got a lot of stuff going on and he's getting worse
and i think maybe The Tower can help fix him?
but the only times i've confronted cosmic beings was basically to just punch them
which i'm totally prepared to do here but i figure it might be a good idea to ask the guy first?
i don't know what do you think?

[givehead]

Oh fuck yeah. Already getting my sword ready.

Yeah, in my experience, cosmic beings usually want to throw it down rather than attempt fixing anything. We can try to reason first. I'm definitely bringing my sword though because gods are all semi-irrational. It's impossible not to get a bit of a complex as a god.

Maybe if we offer him some small sacrifice or gift he might be more receptive to a conversation about helping Varian out.

Voice; un: ...

[opress]

[Savage has literally never done this before. Not in his village. Not in Deerington. Not in Trench. This was new territory, but honestly, he'd been spying on Maul doing seemingly normalized offers like this and it hadn't gone down in flames?

So. He'd give it a try. He'd developed enough comfort with Dirk to at least see if this was possible. This was 'normal' right.]

Do you want to go to The Red?

[That's it. That's the question. No explanation, no clarification, not even offering to go with him.]

voice

[givehead]

(This was unexpected. Maybe it was because he had never grown up in a society with events like this. Or maybe it was because he didn't expect his friends with benefit to really care to be seen with him in public. Maybe it was everything. Either way, it gets a smile out of Dirk.)

I do have some killer outfits for it. I'll be the prettiest belle at the ball.

(Laying that accent on thick.)

Do you want to go?

(Because yes he noticed the lack of clarification. He'll tease his way into this.)

voice

[opress]

[He had heard rumblings about a fashion show and a talent show. Based on what he knew of Dirk's personality, he expected the human would be all for making an appearance to one or both. It would be interesting to see Dirk have a good time in public.]

So you're going to do the fashion show and wear heels then?

[He made a sound that was clearly his shoulders shrugging.]

It would be interesting. I've never been to something like that. I don't know what to expect.

[Some honesty. He had never, ever been to a party.]

Re: voice

[givehead]

Oh damn, I didn't even consider the fashion show or heels. I was just thinking of doing some DJing for the talent portion. Maybe you're right. I should go all out.

(There were multiple nights of it, after all. He should take advantage of that.)

Okay, new plan. Heels. Fashion Show. Talent Show. I'm doing it all. You've sold me.

(He had plenty to show.)

Me neither. (A softer tone.) We should go together. That way we can be virgins together. At least the first night there.

text | un: K

[obeir]

I'm going to assume you'll understand what I'm talking about when I tell you that an extension of yourself contacted me. He referred to himself as The Ultimate Self. He informed me you're suffering from blood corruption, and it's been influencing you to a potentially significant degree. I deduced I'm also likely affected by it.

I'm still researching it. Blood corruption isn't something to take lightly. Be careful.

text

[givehead]

(Dirk has an impressive three internalized breakdowns at the sight of K's message. First was that K was messaging him at all, the second being that he apparently met Ultra Douchebag, and the third being that the theory was Dirk had been suffering from corruption.

And K too, apparently. Fuck.

God damn it. He's been in this place less than a year and has managed to already fuck himself over and lose control. This might actually be one of the most embarrassing moments of his life. Deep breath. He was doing better. Better enough that he could actually take his time and think out an appropriate response.)

Hey man.

Ultra Dick, yeah, I know of the guy vaguely. He's a menace. I apologize for any dumb shit he may or may not have said to you.

Is that right. (Deep breath. Remember your meditation, Dirk.) Okay, yeah. I guess that makes sense in retrospect. I'm sorry to hear you are impacted by it as well. If it makes you feel better, you seem substantially more chill about it than I have been.

(He hovers. Did K want him to even respond to this or was this just a courteous warning?

After what Dirk pulled...

Fuck.)

Thank you for the information, K. Are you all right?

[obeir]

[ It's easy to be chill when one's an old hand at suffering in silence, combined with the detached indifference he feels toward his own situation. Maybe it's blood corruption, and maybe it's the crash and burn of feeling alone again after believing that he wasn't. Probably both. The fact Dirk actually replies to him is unexpected but a pleasant surprise — he'd had low expectations of anything coming from this. ]

He didn't seem that bad. Abrasive but helpful. And honest. You don't share memories with him?

I wasn't sure you'd want to hear from me again but this is too important. Hopefully you understand.

I'm certainly something. [ Not wanting to burden Dirk, in other words. ] How about you?

[givehead]

Not really. They are kind of scattered. It's like trying to remember a dream I had of a memory that actually happened. Dunno what really happened and what was fantasy.

(Disorienting as hell in other words. He knew that Ult Dirk had spoken to K. He just wasn't sure if he had fantasized half the conversation. Part of him...was...simply too embarrassed to even look.

That embarrassment only deepens. Damn it. He had promised that they could make this work without it getting weird. He spends a few minutes just staring at his Omni, feeling a crushing shame. But this time around, his emotions weren't mindnumbing. He wasn't being swallowed up and spat up by them. This was just his regular shame, though he could feel the edges of corruption near again. Now that he knew what That feeling was...

He has to hold his head in his hands for a few minutes. How about you?)

I won't lie. I hate myself pretty thoroughly right now. Like if there was a Hate Pageant Show, I'd be getting that crown and bouquet by a landslide. The other competition would be shitting their panties because they would know there is no competition.

(Stop with the metaphor, Dirk, holy shit. His bullshit rambling was at least a decent sign that he was vaguely feeling more like himself.)

Okay. So.

I owe you an apology. One that you probably deserve to hear in person but I am not sure if you really want to see me either.

I'm sorry that I behaved that way at the Red. It was fucked up and immature. I didn't mean to just fucking bounce the moment you opened up after a fairly routine question. You were being honest and I was a total asshole about it.

I didn't mean to piss all over this. I would understand if you didn't want to hear from me again after the stunt I pulled. You can tell me to fuck off.

~early March, after the 3rd, weird visitation

[unsheathedfromreality]

[Some evening or another, early in Moss King's chaotic month, one of Dirk's splints gets a visitation. The visitor--an Omen in the shape of a moth-bird chimera--isn't picky or capable of much discernment; she knows the idea of the man she has to find, and find someone like him she shall.

And, once she has found him, she's going to do her damnedest to beg, borrow, or steal a writing implement from him or anyone (or anything) in his vicinity.]

text | un: K

[obeir]

I hope you enjoy.♡

[ There's an image attachment.

This isn't a rushed, fumbling, poor quality bathroom selfie. This is some classy shit. Or at least that's what K had been aiming for when he fell back onto his bed and carefully arranged himself for the promised shirtless selfie.

He's positioned to emphasise the attributes he thinks Dirk will most appreciate — his posture is mostly relaxed but just tense enough to tighten his muscles; subtly flexing. He's smiling, and while there's a hint of his characteristic shyness there, he looks like he's enjoying himself. The picture cuts off at his hips which appear to be bare, meant to give the tantalising impression that he isn't wearing anything except that smile. Doesn't matter that Dirk's already seen him fully naked now, it's still fun leaving something to Dirk's imagination. And hopefully the picture will inspire plenty of imagining. ]

text

[givehead]

(Dirk is doing one of his Dirk things, preoccupied with a splint, and so it winds up being Anti-Dirk K gets through to. And Anti-Dirk has a standardized message he knows he's supposed to say, but he's also still an actual splint of Dirk, and therefore he isn't a complete machine.

The reaction to the image is immediately apparent as Anti-Dirk briefly takes over K's Omni. The screen goes black, before a pair of red triangular sunglasses pop, and then a very loud noise clip plays of a generic anime girl going "HUUUYAAAH!!!!!"

The screen returns to normal and Anti-Dirk releases control of K's phone so that he can pull himself together!)

Oh my God! K! I love it (///∇///✿)

Ahhhnnyyaa!! We have such a handsome boyfriend!!! I technically do not have a body, but if I did, it would be reacting in so many physical ways. I can practically imagine the data flow - or is it blood flow? Blood flow!

Oh shit. I'm supposed to say the thing. My bad. Hold on:

"Hello. It seems you are trying to reach Dirk Strider. If you would like to get a quick idea of what he would say, I would be happy to help. I am ANTI-DIRK and will be able to provide answers based on his subconscious patterns of speech and emotions. How can I help you today?"

Hehe...Oh! Dirk's fucking around in his Dream Self. Do you want me to wake him up? I'm sure he would love to see this (◠‿◠✿)

[obeir]

[ Oh — the brief takeover of his Omni manages to startle K, especially that unholy sound clip. What the hell. But it has him laughing a moment later as he realises who he must have gotten through to in lieu of Dirk. Of course. The confirmation comes and he's smiling at the screen. Were he anyone else, his growing fondness of this particular splint would probably seem weird. But he isn't anyone else, he's an android who feels a certain kinship with what is essentially A.I. Dirk. It's hard not to.

Though really, he's fond of every splint he's met because they're all facets of 'his' Dirk... whom he's becoming more than just fond of. ]

Oh, hello again. And thank you for the compliment. A good data flow is important too, especially in your case. You know, if you were an ISO file, I'd love to mount you. [ Badum-tssss. ]

It's all right, this isn't anything he needs to be interrupted for. It can wait until he's finished with his work. [ If that's what Dirk's doing. Maybe he's just relaxing? ] But I am curious. Do you know what he's up to?

[givehead]

Hi!

(This was a part of Dirk that was incredibly open with his affection, shy though he may be with it at times. It's pretty much the most earnest version of Dirk available, tapped straight from his subconscious. So that raw affection for K? Completely telling. Dirk would hate it if he didn't think K deserved to know how fond he had become of him in return.)

You're so smooth. My flirting skills are still in their infancy but hold on let me draw you something.

(Which, because he's an AI, it only takes him like three seconds:)



(I drew normal Dirk since I imagine I would be a little different looking! Maybe.)

The tragedy of not being confined to a physical body. I have nothing for you to mount, but if I did, I'd let you pin me to any recommended surface for mounting. (Processing...flirt...) That wasn't very sexy of me. Hold on.





I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.

Heh :)

Wait that wasn't very good either, was it? Am I sexually stimulating?

I think he is just testing the parameters of Trench and how dangerous it is beyond. Don't worry! His Dream Self appears safe.