You do not need to apologize for anything. I just don't want you to feel like I'll pressure you into anything you don't want.
You make me feel good all the time without even trying, honestly. But I want you to do what makes you feel good as well. That's more important to me than how I feel.
[ Kaneki's guts twist when he reads that second part. He already knows Dirk sleeps with others, that isn't new, and kaneki knows he has no right to be upset. But now this is Dirk saying (writing) it and it hurts and Kaneki feels stupid all over again.
Even with that compliment that he liked it best with Kaneki.
He is so glad for it - it means that he was able to make Dirk feel good and if he continues doing that, maybe then Dirk won't throw him away. But Kaneki knows perfectly well he isn't like Dirk at all: he knows he gets attached, he knows he crushes on people easily and he knows he can't do "friends with benefits" like other people do because of that. And it hurts Kaneki every time he realizes how they different their wavelengths are.
He is so glad this is text. ]
You don't have to worry.
And I suppose we can explore together. You can teach me what you know.
(Honestly? All fair assumptions to make at this point. And Dirk has absolutely no social skill fine-tuned enough to figure that one out. The stupid thing was Dirk is an extremely jealous type and Dirk would be so much worse if their situations were swapped.
He'd become awful and possessive if not downright defensive and nasty. He wasn't a good person. Especially not compared to someone like Kaneki who was just...sweet and good.)
Most of the stuff I know is theoretical. So we'll work out the ropes together. When did you want to do dinner?
(Some part of Dirk wished he had a better place to spruce up. But he's still in his trailer while working on the ranch. There is lumber in neat stacks out in his front yard and husks of robots being worked on. At least it's easy enough to clean up the inside relatively quickly.
He even removes the swords from the kitchen cupboard and throws them...into his shower. For now.
He's cleaned up and styled and ready for their date. He even bought utensils as promised. Which turned out to be some pottery plates he picked up at the farmer's market. He mostly got stuff that reminded him of Kaneki since he had no real taste for stuff like that himself. He's got some music playing and had even gotten? Flowers? Flowers! They are in a small vase at his two-person dinner table in the trailer. Some red dahlias. They looked pretty, so.
He's trying! And now waiting for Kaneki to show up. Maybe he should have offered to go pick him up? He has no idea.)
Kaneki isn't late, he is not the type, and while he carries a smile, he also carries all the promised cooking utensils and the food he will be cooking for one single person (since kaneki himself does not eat; of course that will be suspicious, but he already has a good enough excuse that he hopes it will work for now).
While easily carrying everything with one arm - inhuman strength is very nice sometimes - he knocks with the other. naturally he takes the chance to look around Dirk's yard, glancing at the robots with some curiosity.
(He can move the swords...! Somewhere else...Back into the kitchen!
Dirk flies to the door probably in an embarrassing way and pulls it open, making it all too evident that he was pacing around waiting for Kaneki.)
Hey, sweets. Need some help? (He opens the screen door to his trailer, stepping halfway out to hold his arms out to help Kaneki with what he's carrying.
Definitely a genius of sorts, but sure as fuck not a genius when it came to boys and how to cope with how hard his heart thrashes at just the sight of Kaneki alone. Whoop.)
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Oh.
You do not need to do anything sexual with me out of obligation, Kaneki.
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That's not what I meant at all!!
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I don't do it out of obligation.
I just want you to feel good.
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You make me feel good all the time without even trying, honestly. But I want you to do what makes you feel good as well. That's more important to me than how I feel.
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And I don't know what feels good. You are the only person I've been with.
But so far, I liked it all.
[ it's really embarrassing to say these things, but Kaneki wants to make it clear that he doesn't really regret any of it ]
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(GUILT.)
I mean. Everyone I've slept with so far have been hyped up on horny lightning, so.
We're both a bit new to earnest exploration. Plus I liked it best with you.
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Even with that compliment that he liked it best with Kaneki.
He is so glad for it - it means that he was able to make Dirk feel good and if he continues doing that, maybe then Dirk won't throw him away. But Kaneki knows perfectly well he isn't like Dirk at all: he knows he gets attached, he knows he crushes on people easily and he knows he can't do "friends with benefits" like other people do because of that. And it hurts Kaneki every time he realizes how they different their wavelengths are.
He is so glad this is text. ]
You don't have to worry.
And I suppose we can explore together. You can teach me what you know.
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He'd become awful and possessive if not downright defensive and nasty. He wasn't a good person. Especially not compared to someone like Kaneki who was just...sweet and good.)
Most of the stuff I know is theoretical. So we'll work out the ropes together. When did you want to do dinner?
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Tomorrow, then?
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I can bring all the food and cooking utensils. We will just needs plates and such.
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(He does not and is going to go look for them immediately.)
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I can bring mine too, if you want.
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I should probably get some anyway though, right?
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If you end up wanting me to cook you dinner more often, it'd be easier.
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Okay, yeah. I can do that then. Maybe I'll get you an apron too.
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(See he's getting that for the irony and the fact that he does indeed want to kiss the cook.)
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I will see you tomorrow then.
-> skipping to tomorrow annnd an action tag
He even removes the swords from the kitchen cupboard and throws them...into his shower. For now.
He's cleaned up and styled and ready for their date. He even bought utensils as promised. Which turned out to be some pottery plates he picked up at the farmer's market. He mostly got stuff that reminded him of Kaneki since he had no real taste for stuff like that himself. He's got some music playing and had even gotten? Flowers? Flowers! They are in a small vase at his two-person dinner table in the trailer. Some red dahlias. They looked pretty, so.
He's trying! And now waiting for Kaneki to show up. Maybe he should have offered to go pick him up? He has no idea.)
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Kaneki isn't late, he is not the type, and while he carries a smile, he also carries all the promised cooking utensils and the food he will be cooking for one single person (since kaneki himself does not eat; of course that will be suspicious, but he already has a good enough excuse that he hopes it will work for now).
While easily carrying everything with one arm - inhuman strength is very nice sometimes - he knocks with the other. naturally he takes the chance to look around Dirk's yard, glancing at the robots with some curiosity.
He... really is a genius of sorts, isn't he? ]
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Dirk flies to the door probably in an embarrassing way and pulls it open, making it all too evident that he was pacing around waiting for Kaneki.)
Hey, sweets. Need some help? (He opens the screen door to his trailer, stepping halfway out to hold his arms out to help Kaneki with what he's carrying.
Definitely a genius of sorts, but sure as fuck not a genius when it came to boys and how to cope with how hard his heart thrashes at just the sight of Kaneki alone. Whoop.)
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