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There are so many fairy tales, we can try them all.

No matter what, Dirk, I want to always find you. I want to always return to you.

I'm yours.

Good thing we have these strings, huh?

I'm yours too. We're in this shit together forever as far as I'm concerned.

In speaking of which, I'm not sure if we ever broached the subject. How long exactly do ghouls live?

We can always find each other.

The same as humans. Eighty years or so.
Do you live longer? Since you reached God tier.

(There's the catch. He very carefully manages his emotions, steadying their connection.)

I'm biologically immortal. Godtiers can only die through "just" or "heroic" though the parameters there are a bit dicey.

My soul powers further complicate the section. I can see why I divert in the future and go off my fucking rocker on power. What else is a guy supposed to do with all that time in a goddamn abyss of existence?

Fuck.

(Don't have an existensial crisis over your boyfriend's mortality, Dirk.)

[ he is in for a surprise when he finds out Ghoul hybrids in fact, only live thirty or so years. Kaneki doesn't know this information but he too will not live long.

Oopsie.]

Dirk. [ Kaneki calls out to his boyfriend through their mental link as well. He is soothing as possible, tugging gently at Dirk in hopes to stop him from spiraling, and eventually he calls out again so he can fill their link with care]

There is so much waiting for us in the future. We don't know what will happen. We don't know where we will be. Familiar and myths and our potential, it could mean so much and give us so much.

(Dirk's just sweating internally. He had spent enough of his life in isolation, but not with the heartbreak of losing his actual soulmate. He tries to pay attention to Ken in their connection, tries to hold onto that feeling.

A bit of despair spills into their link because what am I supposed to do when you're gone? Who would he call out to? He's grown used to the bond now.)

Right. Yeah, no. You're technically correct.

You're right. (He tells himself that too. Firmly. They had already defied so much. What was defying death?)

Would you want that though? Immortality?

[ Dirk, he calls again, softly yet louder than before.]

There are people in this place who were dead in their worlds and are alive here. Death isn't permanent here either. Perhaps death is entirely different in this place. Perhaps immortality is too. I don't know what it means to live forever or have thaylt in my grasp.

(Dirk clings to that link and the weight of his own name being called by Kaneki. He knows he's being irrational. Probably. He does the equivalent of holding Kaneki as much as he could.)

Yeah, no. You're right. That is factually true. You're making legitimate points.

Yeah. I know.

I know. I know you're right. Sorry. I guess it just feels like I just realized the catch of how lucky I've felt with you, you know?

[ ... ]

Even if you were to leave tomorrow, I'd still be glad I've met you. And I wouldn't want to change a thing. Even if it'd hurt a lot afterwards, I'd still rather feel everything I'm feeling now.

That's what matters to me.

Yeah. Me too.

There is just a difference between the possibility of universal disruption and then inevitable mortality.

You can't control neither of them.
But the first can come in a flash. And the latter? Well, it will allow me to watch you grow with me.

And maybe it will be scary, maybe it will hurt. But I'm so excited for that, too.

Dirk. we don't know what will happen. Maybe there is no catch, maybe everything is a catch. But I'm still okay with all of it because I have you now.

Yeah. I guess.

But you wouldn't be the one left behind under these circumstances. After you, what would I even do with myself? Forever is a long time.

I know. I'm glad I have you now too, Ken. This just also coincidentally aligns with what I'd expect, so. Forgive me for struggling to romanticize the possibility.

You don't know what will happen, Dirk. I have died a couple of times here and always returned. I can now turn into a squid, will I have a small lifespan like they do?

What I'm trying to say is: we don't know.

And maybe we are forever, now that we are here.

I have theories.

You can turn into a squid. You aren't an actual squid. You're still a ghoul, right? You still maintain the same appetite? So as far as we know, it would be assumed that your biology remains the same even despite the adjustments of this world.

I really just don't want to lose you.

[ Kaneki smiles a little at the text. because in the end, that's really it: Dirk doesn't want to lose Kaneki and Kaneki doesn't want to lose Dirk. He doesn't want to leave him either, and he doesn't want to grow old and wrinkly while his boyfriend remains beautiful and might get tired of an old man.

But kaneki doesn't want to think about that, either. Because he is so happy, the happiest he has ever been. ]

I'm in the library. Come and meet me?

(Luckily for Kaneki, Dirk was filthy and was just as horny over old guys as he was young guys. Who didn't want a certified DILF? Who didn't want to rattle an old man's bones? But inevitably, there was something reasonable in that concern all the same that Dirk would be empathetic towards.

Dirk's vulnerable to feelings of hopelessness and extreme pessimism. And, truthfully, he was so painfully used to being so alone in the universe that it just felt like that was inevitable. For him to wind back up alone after finding the best thing that has ever happened to him again.

It's hard not to slip into a depressive funk. Maybe if he hadn't known what it felt like to be in isolation it wouldn't hit so hard.

But before he can really spiral, Kaneki is inviting him to the library.)

Okay. Be there soon.

(He would always meet Kaneki. And despite his gloom, he wanted to see his boyfriend more than anything right now. So he's there in literal seconds, fluttering a few pages as he flash stepped through the door and into the room. He's got one of his more robotic faces on, his body stiff, everything guarded like fucking Fort Knox.)

Hey.

[ kaneki is in the library, sitting on the floor against a bean bag which he was using as a pillow. There are a couple of books he tried to read before this conversation started, but they were eventually forgotten.

When he sees Dirk, kaneki smiles and his arms stretch out in his direction, inviting the blond to come towards him ]

Come here, sit with me.

(Despite his desire to stay stoic, it's impossible to keep up the moment he sees Kaneki. It hits him hard how badly he wanted to keep this in his life. For a second, he does nothing at all, just captures the moment exactly as it is: Ken, in his simple, effortless beauty, sitting among books as though he were born to do it.

It takes Dirk no time at all after he's buried the details in his mind to step forward. He moves down, takes his sunglasses off on the way, and winds up laying against Kaneki's bed. He wraps his arms around Ken's body and buries his face into Kaneki's chest. So much for maintaining that front!

Burying his face in Ken was easier anyway.)

[ kaneki smiles all through this, relief coming over him when Dirk is there, in his arms. he hugs him, brings him closer, and keeps him like that, against his chest, while his fingers stroke the blond strands of hair and he places several kisses on top of Dirk's head ]

I am scared too. [ logic doesn't always work. And sometimes, it's better to admit to it ] Scared to leave you alone, scared you will leave me. I want to spend my waking moments with you, my sleeping moments too, and my eternity.

I wish I could say the right words so your heavy heart would be lighter. But my heart is heavy too. [ a pause as Kaneki nuzzles Dirk ] All we can do is sink together with the weight.

I would never leave you. (Mumbled against Ken's chest. He squeezes him tightly, pinching his eyes shut because he was embarrassed to admit that this might actually make him cry.)

I can't fuckin'...stand the thought of it.

(There was a ball of iron in his throat and he didn't know how to swallow down around it.)

I don't want immortality if it isn't shared with you. I can't do it all again without you.

I don't know how to become immortal. Maybe I already am. [ he died several times now and he is still here. He may be dead back in his world, too., and he is still here. ]

But I don't want... to live thinking about it. Thinking about a time that may happen and I may no longer be with you. Because right now, I am the happiest I have been.

And that's all i want to think about.

Maybe. (Or maybe it was just one of the perks to being in this place.)

...I am too. (Which is why it scared him. He can't pull away from Ken just yet, trying instead to think of what he wanted to say.)

I don't want to live thinking about it either. It's just hard right now not to think about it. I know you're right. And I'll be fuckin' fine. I'm just having a stupid existential crisis about it.

[ kaneki kisses Dirk's head again, and while two hands are great for hugging - kaneki's two centipede antennae pop out of his head and they too reach for Dirk, to touch and leave small little kisses against his cheek ]

Well. Then I will hug you and hold you until you feel better. I will recite poems until your heart feels calmer.

(He loved those little antennae. He always had, but especially now. He smiles despite the hurt in his chest and finally, he forces himself to pull up from Kaneki's chest. He brings their mouths together in a solid kiss.)

I dunno how you do it. (It's not a judgment. He rocks over so that he could rest his head against Kaneki's shoulder, his eyes sliding shut.)

Stay calm. I think maybe I just keep thinkin' back to what everything was like before.

[ by now, kaneki's eyes had also morphed and the fangs are hidden away inside his mouth - but still there, nonetheless. But that's as far as he will go with the transformation.

he smiles into the kiss and caresses his boyfriend's cheeks with his hand, before he leans back further onto the bean bag while he brings his boyfriend along ]

I don't think I'm calm. I'm scared. I always am.

but being next to you, is all I ever will want. And that helps.

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givehead - 2022-11-18 20:40 (UTC) - Expand

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