no i definitely dont miss my boyfriend even though ive been transported onto the astral plane in fact i think were the kind of couple that benefits from astronomical tracts of inconceivable distances between us its just like old times for us only instead of a planet in literal bugfuck nowhere im in a fuckin fairy tale and the only good thing about it is that i dont think theres actually a universe where i left and hes looking for me so its just me here with my dick out not knowing how long its gonna be and how long somebody waits for someone else to show up and whether were all gonna die here
Okay, yeah, that's fair enough. That was kind of a dumb question on my end.
(Then there's just this Long Silence. As if Dirk isn't going to say anything else, but honestly, he's just thinking.)
I'm not exactly the sort of guy anyone should ask advice from in regard to relationships.
We are technically immortal, Dave. You shouldn't waste your time worrying about death. Yeah, sure, anything is possible, but fearing death ain't going to do shit for you except keep you up at night.
So, what. Are you asking how long you wait around for Karkat to show up? Is this your roundabout way of asking permission to move on or disregard this relationship with a person you might, theoretically, never see again?
Do you want an honest answer or something more positive and encouraging?
i dont think i need the answer cuz as soon as i typed that all out i already knew it was a dumb thing to ask
its not like im sitting here thinking damn what is the exact amount of time until it becomes socially acceptable to cheat on my boyfriend because the fact that im immortal and hes not already put a timer on the amount of time i get to be with him and now im thinking i dont even know if ill make it back before it goes off
but wildly swinging between one existential crisis to another basically things happened that i didnt expect and im kind of stuck with them for as long as were here because theres something in the water that makes everyone gay and stupid
Yeah. I suppose what you need to do is think about what it would do to him if he did find out. Then consider if whoever you're ditching him for is worth that or not.
I think it would also be reasonable to suggest that you mentally break up with him. Even if it's not a literal sense of breaking up, at least you aren't going to be some prick lying to yourself about what a loyal, dedicated boyfriend you are.
You can pat yourself on the back, tell yourself you gave it an earnest go, but packed up shop and headed out to greener pastures or whatever. I guess that would be the most respectful approach to him not even getting to be here. Like, "Hey, sorry dude, but I stopped seeing us as boyfriends forever ago. So when I got laid by mad babes, it wasn't in retrospect to us being together."
That's the trick, Dave. We've always been gay and stupid. The water ain't have shit to do with it.
jesus dude dont break your ankles jumping to conclusions like that sorry i fucking asked forget about it
and im not mentally breaking up with him i love him i think about him all the time i just want to talk to him and i cant but luckily ive got fucking doctor phil over here dude thanks a million
(Yeah that's pretty fair. Dirk doesn't bother responding, but then a few days later...)
Hey.
I realize I was kind of an asshole the other day. Sorry about that.
I guess I just don't want you to regret shit. If you don't wanna talk about it again, it's cool, I get it. But if you do wanna talk about it, I promise I won't be a full-on dick this time. Or I'll try not to be anyway.
hey dont sweat it i mean big of you to apologise and i actually genuinely appreciate it but i probably needed kind of a harsh reality there
i mean i think me and karkat are way more solid than that cuz i think weve been through so much that its something we would be able to work through
but i guess its complicated in a way thats hard to skirt around so i want to tell you this in confidence which im pretty sure you understand because i trust you and its not like we immediately trusted each other but its not just anyone im talking about its john and i didnt expect it and i had no idea but its john man
Eh don't give me too much credit. It was mostly Ken's influence if I'm being real here.
Yeah. I think I projected a bit. I'm too possessive and jealous to imagine that shit. You know your own relationship better than I do and if you believe you could work through it with Karkat, then you're probably right.
Plus, let's be real, Karkat's probably the most empathetic creature in existence. Or he seems like it anyway.
Wow, John. I'm really so shocked right now. Excuse me while I go pick my jaw up off the floor with a crane. Damn. Really threw me for a curveball there. You and John. Who would have ever seen that coming? Bruce Willis wishes he could have featured in a plot twist as shocking as this one.
You seriously did not expect it? Have no idea? Dave, I hate to break it to you, but us Striders love us those sexy brunettes in glasses. It's genetics. You stood no chance. Don't take it to heart. John has a great ass. I would have tapped it too.
Sorry, I'm going off the course here, point is I approve. I think Karkat would approve. Maybe ya'll could do a group thing. Damn. A threesome with John and Karkat. Wow.
(Dave, you're so lucky about this theoretically threesome that he is now imagining.)
Right, romance. Yeah, okay, so it's John.
Let me guess. He is your best friend. You don't want to fuck that up. You don't want it to change the foundation of your relationship. This includes the risk of fucking your relationship up with Karkat. Yeah, that's quite a pickle. However, from personal experience, trying to ignore those feelings tend to just make everything worse.
Be honest with him. He is your best friend. You could try to suggest taking things slow if he is open. This sounds corny as fuck but communication is key.
well thats kind of the crux of it is that it was john that confessed his true and honest feelings to me and i kind of fumbled awkwardly around and gave him a shitty noncommital response and now i know its bothering him but i dont really know how to bring that decomposing conversation back to life without making it worse because i know john is special to karkat too and i know he is the most empathetic creature alive and this mess would be absolutely killing him if he was here but i feel like im stuck in pause mode because i want to have a conversation i cant have with a guy whose not here
but i do like john like like john which is really fucking corny but i love karkat and while im being corny i might as well say i feel like he completes me and i feel like as a unit we would be able to figure this out but without karkat here i just feel like one of those shitty little puppets with the ball stuck to their nose that just flop around like an asshole and john deserves better than that so the proper thing to do would to be like sorry man its not on the cards and hope he doesnt hate my guts but weirdly that doesnt actually feel like the right thing because like you said pretending i dont actually feel kind of the same feels dishonest too and it feels like it would be worse when we could be happy too
does any of that make sense or do i just sound like more of an asshole
I want to emphasize again how unqualified I am to discuss matters of the heart, especially in the realm of poly and potential not!cheating. I almost killed a chick once out of jealousy, so. I can't exactly see how this will work in your favor, not gonna lie.
No offense to John, seriously, but you literally are in a relationship. It's nice and all that John confessed, but what did he really expect would happen? That you would go, "Wow, John. Yeah, dog, I'm gonna throw my long-term relationship out the window and leap into your arms! Who cares about boundaries when true love exists!"
The dude had to know there wasn't going to be a clean-cut response from you here. At least not right away. He's not a moron.
My point is that you shouldn't be that mad at yourself about it. Or feel like you handled it poorly. Although I do agree you should give him a direct answer sooner than later.
Like I said before, if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to accept the fact that there is a possibility Karkat arrives and that he might be hurt by this, and that you may theoretically lose that relationship. That is the worst-case scenario. And that's something you need to be willing to accept. It would be fucking dumb to ignore it.
In the best-case scenario, Karkat reveals some weird long-term hidden crush he has had on John this whole time too that he never talked to you about for whatever reason, and ya'll bone each other. Mid-case scenario is that he's busted up about it, but understands and lets ya'll keep dating too. Who knows? Maybe you'll wind up with two boyfriends for the price of one.
You sound like an asshole, but an understandable asshole. If you like John, those feelings won't go away anytime soon. I do not believe I can give you any answer that will make you feel good about this situation because no matter what you pick, you will feel like you're fucking over a guy you love. Unfortunately.
If you pick John, you fuck over Karkat. If you pick Karkat, you fuck over John. If you pick neither, you fuck over both of them and yourself. And picking both isn't a clean-cut option because Karkat isn't here to consent to that.
One tip is to tell John that you do like him in return, that you would like to date him, but put it on the table very firmly that you still consider yourself to be in a relationship with Karkat and that if Karkat were to show up, that you all collectively would have to figure something out. John has to be okay with that. Otherwise, it ain't fair to John, it ain't fair to you, and it ain't fair to Karkat. In my unprofessional opinion, that's your best bet.
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in fact i think were the kind of couple that benefits from astronomical tracts of inconceivable distances between us
its just like old times for us
only instead of a planet in literal bugfuck nowhere im in a fuckin fairy tale and the only good thing about it is that i dont think theres actually a universe where i left and hes looking for me so its just me here with my dick out not knowing how long its gonna be and how long somebody waits for someone else to show up and whether were all gonna die here
sorry
is there anything good on tv here
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(Then there's just this Long Silence. As if Dirk isn't going to say anything else, but honestly, he's just thinking.)
I'm not exactly the sort of guy anyone should ask advice from in regard to relationships.
We are technically immortal, Dave. You shouldn't waste your time worrying about death. Yeah, sure, anything is possible, but fearing death ain't going to do shit for you except keep you up at night.
So, what. Are you asking how long you wait around for Karkat to show up? Is this your roundabout way of asking permission to move on or disregard this relationship with a person you might, theoretically, never see again?
Do you want an honest answer or something more positive and encouraging?
There is just about anything you could ask for.
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its not like im sitting here thinking damn what is the exact amount of time until it becomes socially acceptable to cheat on my boyfriend because the fact that im immortal and hes not already put a timer on the amount of time i get to be with him and now im thinking i dont even know if ill make it back before it goes off
but wildly swinging between one existential crisis to another basically things happened that i didnt expect and im kind of stuck with them for as long as were here because theres something in the water that makes everyone gay and stupid
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I think it would also be reasonable to suggest that you mentally break up with him. Even if it's not a literal sense of breaking up, at least you aren't going to be some prick lying to yourself about what a loyal, dedicated boyfriend you are.
You can pat yourself on the back, tell yourself you gave it an earnest go, but packed up shop and headed out to greener pastures or whatever. I guess that would be the most respectful approach to him not even getting to be here. Like, "Hey, sorry dude, but I stopped seeing us as boyfriends forever ago. So when I got laid by mad babes, it wasn't in retrospect to us being together."
That's the trick, Dave. We've always been gay and stupid. The water ain't have shit to do with it.
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sorry i fucking asked
forget about it
and im not mentally breaking up with him
i love him
i think about him all the time
i just want to talk to him and i cant
but luckily ive got fucking doctor phil over here dude thanks a million
anyway
later
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Hey.
I realize I was kind of an asshole the other day. Sorry about that.
I guess I just don't want you to regret shit. If you don't wanna talk about it again, it's cool, I get it. But if you do wanna talk about it, I promise I won't be a full-on dick this time. Or I'll try not to be anyway.
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dont sweat it i mean
big of you to apologise and i actually genuinely appreciate it
but i probably needed kind of a harsh reality there
i mean
i think me and karkat are way more solid than that cuz i think weve been through so much that its something we would be able to work through
but i guess its complicated in a way thats hard to skirt around so i want to tell you this in confidence which im pretty sure you understand because i trust you and its not like we immediately trusted each other
but its not just anyone im talking about
its john
and i didnt expect it and i had no idea
but its john man
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Yeah. I think I projected a bit. I'm too possessive and jealous to imagine that shit. You know your own relationship better than I do and if you believe you could work through it with Karkat, then you're probably right.
Plus, let's be real, Karkat's probably the most empathetic creature in existence. Or he seems like it anyway.
Wow, John. I'm really so shocked right now. Excuse me while I go pick my jaw up off the floor with a crane. Damn. Really threw me for a curveball there. You and John. Who would have ever seen that coming? Bruce Willis wishes he could have featured in a plot twist as shocking as this one.
You seriously did not expect it? Have no idea? Dave, I hate to break it to you, but us Striders love us those sexy brunettes in glasses. It's genetics. You stood no chance. Don't take it to heart. John has a great ass. I would have tapped it too.
Sorry, I'm going off the course here, point is I approve. I think Karkat would approve. Maybe ya'll could do a group thing. Damn. A threesome with John and Karkat. Wow.
(Dave, you're so lucky about this theoretically threesome that he is now imagining.)
Right, romance. Yeah, okay, so it's John.
Let me guess. He is your best friend. You don't want to fuck that up. You don't want it to change the foundation of your relationship. This includes the risk of fucking your relationship up with Karkat. Yeah, that's quite a pickle. However, from personal experience, trying to ignore those feelings tend to just make everything worse.
Be honest with him. He is your best friend. You could try to suggest taking things slow if he is open. This sounds corny as fuck but communication is key.
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is that it was john that confessed his true and honest feelings to me and i kind of fumbled awkwardly around and gave him a shitty noncommital response and now i know its bothering him but i dont really know how to bring that decomposing conversation back to life without making it worse
because i know john is special to karkat too
and i know he is the most empathetic creature alive and this mess would be absolutely killing him if he was here
but i feel like im stuck in pause mode because i want to have a conversation i cant have with a guy whose not here
but i do like john
like like john
which is really fucking corny but
i love karkat and while im being corny i might as well say i feel like he completes me and i feel like as a unit we would be able to figure this out but without karkat here i just feel like one of those shitty little puppets with the ball stuck to their nose that just flop around like an asshole
and john deserves better than that
so the proper thing to do would to be like sorry man its not on the cards and hope he doesnt hate my guts
but weirdly that doesnt actually feel like the right thing because like you said pretending i dont actually feel kind of the same feels dishonest too and it feels like it would be worse when we could be happy too
does any of that make sense or do i just sound like more of an asshole
no subject
No offense to John, seriously, but you literally are in a relationship. It's nice and all that John confessed, but what did he really expect would happen? That you would go, "Wow, John. Yeah, dog, I'm gonna throw my long-term relationship out the window and leap into your arms! Who cares about boundaries when true love exists!"
The dude had to know there wasn't going to be a clean-cut response from you here. At least not right away. He's not a moron.
My point is that you shouldn't be that mad at yourself about it. Or feel like you handled it poorly. Although I do agree you should give him a direct answer sooner than later.
Like I said before, if you're going to do this, you're just going to have to accept the fact that there is a possibility Karkat arrives and that he might be hurt by this, and that you may theoretically lose that relationship. That is the worst-case scenario. And that's something you need to be willing to accept. It would be fucking dumb to ignore it.
In the best-case scenario, Karkat reveals some weird long-term hidden crush he has had on John this whole time too that he never talked to you about for whatever reason, and ya'll bone each other. Mid-case scenario is that he's busted up about it, but understands and lets ya'll keep dating too. Who knows? Maybe you'll wind up with two boyfriends for the price of one.
You sound like an asshole, but an understandable asshole. If you like John, those feelings won't go away anytime soon. I do not believe I can give you any answer that will make you feel good about this situation because no matter what you pick, you will feel like you're fucking over a guy you love. Unfortunately.
If you pick John, you fuck over Karkat. If you pick Karkat, you fuck over John. If you pick neither, you fuck over both of them and yourself. And picking both isn't a clean-cut option because Karkat isn't here to consent to that.
One tip is to tell John that you do like him in return, that you would like to date him, but put it on the table very firmly that you still consider yourself to be in a relationship with Karkat and that if Karkat were to show up, that you all collectively would have to figure something out. John has to be okay with that. Otherwise, it ain't fair to John, it ain't fair to you, and it ain't fair to Karkat. In my unprofessional opinion, that's your best bet.